IT'S OK TO CRY

Q. Are you getting more calls for help since Sept. 11?

Q. What symptoms are people experiencing?

Shock and denial are typical for most. They leave us feeling stunned and dazed. Some use denial as a defense to help them from acknowledging that something very stressful has happened. It is a way of shielding themselves from experiencing the full intensity of what has happened. Temporarily, they feel numb or disconnected from life and its reality.

Some feelings are intense and unpredictable, such as becoming more irritable than usual or experiencing rapid mood swings for no apparent reason. There is generally an increase in anger, rage, anxiety, nervousness, profound sadness and various levels of depression. For some, these feelings may be expressed in a variety of forms such as hatred, fear and prejudice.

Many people are experiencing thoughts and behaviors that have been affected by this trauma. Some experience vivid and repeated memories of this or other tragedies in their lives. These flashbacks can be invasive, occurring for no apparent reason, and may lead to physical reactions, such as an increased heartbeat, sweating, disruption to sleep or eating patterns, diarrhea, stomach problems, headaches, nausea, chest pain, difficulty concentrating, difficulty in making decisions, increased confusion or a feeling of just being overwhelmed or frozen by fear and its accompanying stressors. Pre-existing medical conditions, such as heart-related problems or major disease, may worsen due to the stress.

As people deal with these, they may also experience a feeling of inordinate guilt about what has happened, as though they were to blame because of something else they failed to do personally.

People often feel abandoned by God or question God's presence and/or love.

People may find themselves being more cautious, hyper-vigilant, suspicious or very wary around strangers or unfamiliar settings. Interpersonal relationships or situations might often become strained for no apparent reason. Greater conflict, increased arguing and frustration occur with those with whom we generally are in agreement or are friends. Others might become withdrawn, isolated, and avoidant of usual activities and celebrations.

Q. How can people deal with their emotions, especially their grieving, in healthy ways?

* Give yourself time to heal; allow yourself to mourn the losses this event has brought; be patient with yourself and your emotional state;

* Ask for support from people who care about you and who will listen and empathize; realize that the support you seek might likewise be asked of you too by another; encourage moments and opportunities for mutual support; try work as partners; if available, seek out a support group, meeting, gathering or discussion;

* Communicate your experience in whatever ways feel comfortable to you, such as talking with family, friends or journaling;

* Utilize humor as a coping mechanism to facilitate emotional insulation and bonding. Healthy humor becomes a shared language of care and concern; monitor the line between [proper] humor and nastiness that only serves to entrench cynicism and despair;

* Encourage healthy behaviors, such as eating well-balanced meals, getting plenty of rest, using relaxation techniques, exercising and avoiding alcohol or drugs;

* Re-establish familiar routines and patterns as soon as possible; try to create an environment of balance, such as limiting information intake (i.e., excessive listening to news and stories about the event); play, provide time for quiet, leisure, go out to the movies, dining, shopping, etc.;

* Avoid over-identification with the victims, their families and their losses;

* Make use of appropriate rituals to give meaning and dignity to an otherwise existential painful moment; this includes religious rites related to mourning as well as respectful moments, such as honoring loss and courage "by lighting a candle against the darkness";

* Believe it is okay to cry to acknowledge loss, grief and sorrow. Tears are healthy expressions of what we are carrying on the inside.

(09-27-01) [[In-content Ad]]