Intermarriages succeed when couples talk

In fact, such diversity may create opportunities for learning and growth about each other's religions, according to several panelists who will participate in an upcoming discussion on interfaith marriage and the issues that couples of different religious affiliations face.

"Marriage, Intermarriage and Happily Ever After" will bring together a Protestant, Muslim, Catholic, Hindu and Jew to share their perspectives on interfaith marriage, and to examine the challenges and potential rewards of practicing two faiths in one household and raising children in such situations.

Working together

She has dealt with such issues personally; her husband, James, is pastor of West End Presbyterian Church in Albany, and they recently had to decide in which faith to have their newborn daughter baptized. They opted for the Reformed Church, and Amy Jo stood with her husband while his parents served as Presbyterian witnesses and joined their fellow Presbyterians and Christian believers as ecumenical witnesses.

Although the Reformed and Presbyterian churches are both Christian denominations and therefore similar in terms of theology and hierarchy, choosing between them in baptizing a child is a tough decision that must be addressed by couples whose religious faiths differ, Rev. Hawley noted.

Interfaith marriage does have its benefits when a couple realizes that their union represents a sharing of faith and love that is possible only through the commitment of marriage.

"This is a covenant that is pleasing to God. I think any couple that values their faith and involves their faith that far is blessed by that," she said.

Islamic view

For example, all three faiths believe in Moses and the prophets, but only Muslims believe that Mohammed was a prophet. Muslims also reject the notion of Trinity and maintain that God is one person, not three.

Marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim is dictated by gender. A Muslim man can marry within his faith, or he can marry a Jewish or Christian woman; a Muslim woman, however, is allowed to marry only a Muslim man. Traditionally, a woman's children are brought up in the faith of the father, she pointed out.

Dr. Chaudhry advises couples who are planning an interfaith marriage and family life to practice "shura" -- consultation -- in choosing how to live as husband and wife, and how to raise their children in an interfaith setting. She encourages them "to be sincere to themselves" and explore options for their future together.

Catholic ideas

He suggested broadening the definition of sacrament so that it has "a good, New Testament pedigree" and more specifically indicates the significance of a married relationship. "It takes human, sexual love to see this as a vehicle of the presence of God to them and, through them, to the world," he said.

Interfaith marriage between Christian and non-Christian partners can be challenging, but Dr. Dwyer believes any such union can be successful and lead to greater understanding of different faiths on a personal level.

"Ideally, an interfaith marriage is the perfect laboratory to do that," he said.

Couples should try to rediscover the richness of their own faith as they prepare for married life. "Understand what you share, what your respective religions have in common," he said.

In addition, Dr. Dwyer encourages couples to "create a ceremony that would involve a community of faith" representing both parents' faith traditions when thinking about Baptism, so that the child's commitment to one faith would be possible in later life when he or she has reached maturity.

Hindu perspective

"My sense is parents may initially say, 'Is that what you want?' To me, in the course of time, it's not going to be an issue at all," he said.

There are not only religious issues, but also social and cultural issues surrounding interfaith marriage. Obviously, raising children would be another challenge that interfaith couples will encounter someday, but Mr. Balasubramanian is confident that they can resolve such issues through communication and mutual understanding.

"It's going to take a judgment on each part. If they have children, they've obviously talked through this," he said.

If his children were considering interfaith marriage, Mr. Balasubramanian knows that he would welcome a son- or daughter in-law of a non-Hindu faith into his family. "I would encourage it wholeheartedly," he said.

Jewish understanding

As a Conservative Jew, Rabbi Magidson will not officiate at interfaith wedding ceremonies, but she knew of many interfaith couples at Temple Beth Sholom in Clifton Park where she served as rabbi for eight years. In fact, one-third of the congregation was comprised of interfaith couples.

Children who are raised by Jewish and Christian parents often are exposed to both faiths, but some celebrations are left out in those situations, Rabbi Magidson pointed out. A child may be familiar with Hanukkah and Passover, for example, but not know the significance of such feasts as Sukkot or Purim.

Rabbi Magidson emphasized the importance of talking issues over when they come up in interfaith marriages and said that such sharing of ideas will do much to help make these relationships work.

"I don't think love will conquer all, but I do think good communication will do a lot," she said.

(The panel discussion on "Marriage, Intermarriage and Happily Ever After" is scheduled for Oct. 28, 7 p.m., at the College of St. Rose Hubbard Interfaith Sanctuary in Albany.)

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