How men can change violence toward women

By REV. PAUL SMITH- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

(Editor's note: Father Smith is sacramental minister for St. Francis of Assisi parish in Albany and St. Lucy/St. Bernadette in Altamont and chaplain for Albany Law School and Albany College of Pharmacy. He writes that "many parishioners and students who have walked with me for a long time have helped me put meaning into [a quote from Isaiah 58]: 'This rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke, setting free the oppressed.'")

1. Men, never be supportive or even neutral when you see or hear other men using physical, emotional or verbal violence against women. Perpetrators need to know that it has to stop, and they may need professional help. Non-violent and effective conflict resolution skills can be learned.

2. Be honest about the big part that alcohol or drug abuse can play in abusive behavior.

3. Do not be afraid to look at and evaluate the impact of the lived negative example of family members and friends on our possible sexist behaviors - especially father figures, uncles and older brothers.

4. Remind yourself that expressions of friendship and love between men and women do not have to have a sexual component to be a success.

5. In a world that often idolizes physical strength, never forget that male gentleness and tenderness are important masculine qualities.

6. Words have limited but real importance. Personally refrain from anti-women gutter talk and confront it when others are using it, especially when women are attempting to express righteous indignation.

7. Address adult females as women, not girls. Refrain from using endearing-sounding expressions outside of honest relationships.

8. Get beyond the myth of the "perfect" female body as the major if not sole factor in building friendships with women.

9. Examine often long-standing work expectations as to who does what. Are women simply expected to take on mundane and unpleasant tasks? Is that fair?

10. Own the reality that conscious sexism is as much a sin as conscious race discrimination.

11. Examine the exclusions that may confront women. Why are they in place? What messages do they give to women?[[In-content Ad]]