How children cope (or not) with attacks

"I'm preparing for the worst," she said. "I try to hear as much as I can, but I also don't want to dwell on it."

With a close family friend being called up to active duty in the reserves and a cousin in the Marines who is being sent overseas, Jessica is fearful about the future.

"I'm very nervous," she said.

Talking it over

"Adults need to talk to us about it," she said. "They need to tell us the truth. Nothing is worse than hearing your parents say everything will be okay and then we go to war and you think, 'My parents lied to me.'"

According to those who work with youth, the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon can't be compared to any other tragedy that teens have faced up to this point. "It's difficult to compare," said Sister Katherine Arseneau, principal of Troy's Catholic Central High School.

Sister Katherine is sure that youth are closely watching the events unfold. "It's profoundly affected them," she said. For example, the boys in the senior class at CCHS worry that they may be drafted.

Prayer, too

Students at Catholic schools had an advantage in dealing with the recent events, said Sister Katherine, since they can pray at school. At CCHS, for example, there have been several prayer services as well as other spiritual activities.

Students had several ideas for such activities, including writing a message of peace on a paper dove.

"We had peace doves for everyone," the principal said. "The doves are plastered over the gym windows. So many kids used Jesus in their peace messages."

Involvement

For example, simple things like encouraging children to wear red, white and blue ribbons or donating their allowance to relief efforts can help young children feel more in control, she said.

That was true for Jessica. Her class hosted a bake sale and raised $1,400 for relief efforts. A local bank, she said, will match their donations. In addition, her school had a spirit day where all of the students wore red, white and blue, and sang patriotic songs. Raising the money, she said, helped them feel like they were doing something to help.

Stress

"Younger children can't comprehend what's happening," she said. "They pick up on the fear because they are in tune to the feelings of their parents. They need reassurance that their parents are keeping them safe."

School-aged children, Ms. Onderdonk-Milne said, can understand what is happening. While they shouldn't be continuously exposed to the news, parents should keep them informed of the events.

If a parent wants to know how their child is coping with the tragedy but the child isn't volunteering information, Ms. Onderdonk-Milne suggests spending time playing together. Drawing pictures or playing with building toys can help a child open up.

Imagine that

He told his mother, "If I were Batman, I would fly down to New York and get Aunt Meg and bring her home. Then I would put out all of the fires."

That's one way young children take control, Ms. Onderdonk-Milne said, "by using their imagination. That's good for them."

As troubled as children might be by the events, Ms. Onderdonk-Milne is hopeful. "I'm amazed at how resilient kids are," she said. "They have hope and a million ideas."

Why, God?

Joyce Solimini, associate director for children, youth and family catechesis in the diocesan Office of Evangelization and Catechesis, said, "Although we can't answer this question, we can help our children grapple with it through the lens of our Christian faith."

She said parents should explain to their children that bad things happen as a result of people making bad choices that can have terrible effects. God cares about the choices people make, but He can't stop people from making their own choices without taking away the special gift He gave humans: the freedom to choose between good and evil.

"The important thing to focus on at this time is what we do know about God through our faith," she said. "We know that the power of good is stronger than the power of evil. We trust in God's promise to us. God showed us that in a concrete way through the death and resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus, who understands and experienced all our human pain, now promises to be with us until the end of time."

Signs of God

"God is not at some distance from this tragedy looking down," she said. "Our God is in the midst of the rubble and the grief with the power of love."

It is tempting, Mrs. Solimini said, to fall into despair and hopelessness after tragic events. This can lead to people believing that they should just live for today since there won't be a tomorrow. Mrs. Solimini said that is defeating; instead, people should believe that God has a plan for the world and that all have a part in the plan.

Parents can emphasize what they know of God. "We know God loves us and loves our world and only wants the very best for us," she said. "We know that God wants us as partners in building this world."

Tips for parents

* reassure children of God's love for them as well as their own love;

* root them in a prayerful environment both in the home and parish;

* empower them with skills to make good choices; and

* give them ways to affect the current situation, like sending a message of comfort, praying or participating in a supplies drive.

(For additional information on talking to young people about this tragedy, the Office of Evangelization and Catechesis recommends the following websites: www.nfcym.org, www.disciplesnow.com, and www.archbalt.org/young.)

(09-27-01) [[In-content Ad]]