GRRR! Workshop looks at control of anger

"Everybody gets angry," said the therapist, who works for the diocesan Counseling for Laity Office. "The problem is when folks have the emotion and it gets in the way of their productive living."

Managing anger starts with deciding to give it up, he said, which is a challenge for most people: "Anger looks like you're doing something, like you're marshalling your forces against the world. People want to stay angry and not have it be a problem; that's not what this [group] is about."

Grrrr

"Folks think anger comes because `somebody called me a name' or some injustice happened," he explained. But "anger is caused by how people perceive what is going on."

He used the example of a person on a crowded elevator being jabbed with someone's umbrella. As the elevator rises, so does the person's anger level -- until they turn around and find that the "umbrella" was actually a blind man's cane. Their anger came from their perception of the situation.

Perceptions

Participants, he said, will learn to replace anger with another phrase: "calm determination." Thus, they can become assertive instead of aggressive.

"I certainly don't promise a cure," Dr. Hughes added. "What we come up with are some goals. It requires a great amount of work, and most folks don't want to do that."

However, if people are even considering going to an anger-management group, the therapist pointed out that must mean their current behaviors aren't working. "Typically, people say, `This is ruining my life. I'm stuck and I want to get rid of this,'" he stated.

As group participants learn to observe behaviors in each other that don't work, said Dr. Hughes, "they learn to articulate helpful strategies, and they help themselves."

("Clear Thinking, Clear Mind" will be held for six Tuesday evenings, Oct. 3-Nov. 7. The fee is $75 for the six sessions. Call the Consultation Center at 489-4431 for information.)

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