Grief ministers putting skills to work

But since the Sept. 11 attacks on the U.S., countless graduates of the college's Bereavement Studies program have helped others through a much more public grieving process.

"We need to grieve the immense loss," Sister Jean said. "Not just the primary loss of lives, but the loss of buildings, of a sense of financial security, of naivete, of the illusion of indomitability."

Studying grief

Students are taught how to listen to people's fears and anger, as well as helping grieving people through the stages when those emotions dominate.

Students are reminded that grieving is often a bumpy ride, not a neat and tidy path of constant progress, and that people will not likely proceed directly from shock and denial all the way through acceptance and reestablishment of life.

Depth of sorrow

Ms. Bergh said that one of the most useful lessons was becoming a better listener who encourages people to discuss their full range of emotions, an experience many people avoid.

"All you need to do is be with them and just listen to them," she said. "Just be there and say, 'I'm here for you.'"

Listening

The students have been infuriated by television footage of people in other countries who cheered after passenger jets were used as bombs.

"I tell them, 'Let's talk about that. That's just a small group in another culture. What if other countries were shown pictures of Ku Klux Klan rallies?'" Ms. Silverstein said. "In the past week, [students] are starting to say, 'I'm glad I don't have to make decisions on what to do next.'"

Putting it in writing

Another graduate of the Maria College program, Diane Pellowe MacDuffie, wrote a poem to explore her own emotions about the violence. The first and last stanzas are as follows:

"Can you feel/The millions of tears,/Flowing into/The East River/And out to the sea./Grief, like so much/Ash,/Covering Brooklyn./We are smothered by broken hearts/ And find it impossible/To breathe.

"Will we crane/Our necks,/To listen/For peace?/Its tender touch,/Needed worldwide./This is the commodity/To trade, to export./In its exchange might/We diminish grief's/ Hold,/Might we discover/Another chance."

Touching people

Ms. Malone finds that the simplicity in poetry touches the human heart and helps people connect with others who have suffered loss.

As a result, she said, "there's a softening of a lot of hearts."

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