FISH TALE: Life as a single mom in the 1940s

As she walks along beside you, her vitality is apparent in her voice and demeanor. Although she walks a bit slow and her snow-white hair hints at her age, it might be impossible to guess that she is 90.

Her attitude is an example of the familiar adage: In life, it's not what happens to you, but how you deal with it that matters.

Into the world

She worked at a variety of jobs in the Rochester and Buffalo areas. When she married Bernard Callan in 1931, they wanted to start a family but discovered that it was not in the cards for them.

"Bud and I talked a lot about it over the years; and after much discussion, we decided to try and adopt a child," she said. "Neither my parents nor his were happy about it. As a matter of fact, I remember that our families were dead set against our adopting a baby."

Baby makes three

"Finally, we told them we were going to adopt," she said. "We figured that if we kept at them, eventually they would come around to our way of thinking."

In November 1944, a newborn baby boy came to live with the excited couple. They named their son Mark.

Bump in road

But fate intervened in their plans. Three months after adopting Mark, Mr. Callan had a fatal heart attack. Suddenly, she was a widow with a newborn baby, no job and the responsibility of home ownership.

"They were tough times for me," she recalled while sifting through old photos. The pictures show a slender, dark-haired woman dressed in a stylish suit and matching pumps, holding a blanketed infant, with her husband next to them. There are also photos of Mark as a toddler, Mark in grade school, and Mark as a young teen.

Making do

"The first year was hard, though," she recalled. Because she couldn't apply for extra war ration tickets for necessities such as sugar or shoes, she had to live frugally. In addition, the adoption was not legally finalized. She was forced to reapply to adopt Mark, this time as a single parent.

"In those days, social services did not look favorably on single parenting," she recalled. "As a matter of fact, it was nearly non-existent. Every day, I lived with the fear that a government car would come up the driveway, someone would get out and knock on my door, and take my son away from me. That was a terrible fear to live with."

Finally hers

Although she remembers that the visiting counselors "were understanding," she always felt fearful that they would think her an unfit parent, "mostly because I had to be both father and mother to Mark."

Her fears were to be assuaged, however, when Mark approached his first birthday and her application for his adoption was finally approved.

"It was the happiest day of my life," she said with a big smile.

Mom and dad

She let him know "as soon as he could understand" that he was adopted, but she said that often it was hard on him being known at school as "that adopted kid."

Because she was a working mother, she knew it was necessary to be as involved in her son's school and social life as possible.

"I was strict with him, because I had to be," she said. "But I also loved him and was involved in most of his activities."

Proud parent

She is now the proud grandmother of three young adults who "give me many hours of pride and happiness."

Her son and his wife live nearby, and she talks with them every day. She spends her days crocheting hats, mittens and scarves for children, as well as doing counted cross-stitch, sewing and other crafts that she sells to friends and acquaintances. She is actively involved with the social programs and friends in her apartment complex.

"Raising my son was such a joy, even with all the hard work," she said, pausing and offering a wistful smile. "I don't know what I'd do without my family."

(11-29-01) [[In-content Ad]]