Family traditions include lots of food

The song in "Fiddler on the Roof" had it right: Tradition makes people a community.

Family traditions are especially important to have in today's world, says Bernadette McCarver Snyder, author of "Saintly Celebrations and Holy Days: Easy and Imaginative Ideas to Create Your Own Catholic Family Traditions."

"Traditions are important because they establish a bond between people," Mrs. Snyder said. "Families are far apart today. There are no grandmothers around the corner or cousins around."

Bonds of love

"Everyone is so busy," Mrs. Snyder said. "It's so easy to become interested in the minutiae of life. We forget to establish bonds in our family. This is especially true of Catholic identity. Parents can talk about everything else but God."

When her own son was, young Mrs. Snyder would make up poems about the things they could see while sitting on the porch taking a "cookie break." The poems were designed to help her son see the greatness of God's creation. There was another benefit as well: It put her more in touch with God.

Dinner together

Everything from candles, flowers and shamrocks to hammers, nails and sandpaper were used for these festive conversation pieces.

"They'd make great fun of it," she said of her creations, but she noted that they are still talked about and remembered.

Open mind and heart

"Celebrations do not always turn out the way you hoped," she writes. "If your family at first doesn't appreciate your idea of family fun, keep at it anyway. Starting a family tradition is like planting a seed. It takes a little work and a little waiting before you get a bouquet. Sometimes, you plan and plot, and it seems no one appreciates your work or even enjoys it. But weeks later, or even years later, someone in the family will say `You remember that wonderful day when we...' and you'll know it was worth the work and the wait."

Easy steps

"It can be special dishes, a table cloth, a special kind of bread made for that day," said Kathleen Chesto, author of "Family Prayer for Family Times: Traditions Celebrations and Rituals," and "Rituals and Icebreakers: Tools for Forming Community." She is also a nationally known speaker on family life and catechesis. "I don't think it matters what the tradition or ritual is as long as it's something you always do."

Dr. Chesto said her family gets the greenery for their Advent wreath on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving also marks the time when they first light their Christmas candles.

The Chestos have other Thanksgiving rituals. "We always invite someone to our home who wouldn't have Thanksgiving -- an elderly person, exchange students, college friends," she said. "We've had up to 17 extra people for dinner. Our children knew people were welcome for Thanksgiving."

Other traditions in the Chesto household developed as a result of the talents each family member possesses. "In our family, my middle child always makes the mashed potatoes," she said. "I do the gravy, and the youngest does the pastry. These are simple things to give a family a sense of who they are."

Keep it simple

"It doesn't take much to make a tradition," Mrs. Snyder said. The key is doing something special and then doing it again and again over the years, such as the Chesto family's tradition of gathering Advent greenery on Thanksgiving.

Traditions are present in every family even if they don't realize it, Dr. Chesto said. "People get so frightened by the word 'ritual,'" she said. "Very few families don't have a bedtime ritual. In our family, we had two stories -- and the second was always `Good Night Moon.'"

While Dr. Chesto's children are now grown, she said they can still recite the story and use the same intonation she used when reading it to them.

Start young

It's particularly easy to develop rituals and traditions with children, according to both women.

"Once someone starts developing rituals, children own rituals," Dr. Chesto said. If a young child does something one way once, they begin to say "we always" do it that way.

Mrs. Snyder agreed, noting: "It's very easy to establish tradition with small children. They like to hear the same storybook over and over. This is security for them."

Catholics are particularly lucky when it comes to imparting traditions. "We have a wonderful heritage of stories, rituals and traditions," said Mrs. Snyder.

Dr. Chesto agreed, adding, "We're fortunate because our tradition is filled with ritual."

(Mrs. Snyder's book is available through Liguori Publications for $9.95 by calling 1-800-325-9521, code 4019, or at local religious bookstores. Dr. Chesto's books are available through Sheed and Ward by calling 1-800-333-7373.)

(11-27-97) [[In-content Ad]]