Family finds a blessing in their handicapped child

The three-year-old Malta resident was born prematurely, with a brain hemorrhage, and is multiply handicapped. Despite that, she has taught her parents, Lou and Risa Costello-Falvo, lessons in faith, hope and love.

"Every day, I'm humbled," said Mrs. Costello-Falvo, a parishioner of St. Peter's Church in Saratoga Springs.

Days of danger

Megan was born two weeks after the couple had moved into their new home. In the next few weeks, a bleak picture was painted of her life. The couple was told by the medical community that Megan would have heart failure within a few days, that she was mentally retarded and would need antibiotics and surgeries indefinitely.

After seven weeks in the hospital, Megan was finally released on life-support equipment. She did not have the ability to swallow or any gag reflex. Over the next two years, further health information unfolded, including the realization that Megan is deaf.

Today, she can walk with assistance and sign a few words. She enjoys piggyback rides on her father, swinging on her swing and playing in her sandbox.

Lessons in faith

Through it all, the Falvos have found that Megan has given them a new perspective on life.

"I have a high degree of faith," Mrs. Costello-Falvo said. "There have been so many answered prayers."

Those answered prayers include finding doctors who were able to surgically correct some of Megan's rare medical conditions, and the unexpected healing of a hole in Megan's heart that occurred without medical intervention.

Blessings

Her sunny disposition, her physical strength and her ability to fight are also among the blessings counted by the Falvos.

"We will help her achieve her personal best -- what God wants her to be, not what I want her to be," Mrs. Costello-Falvo said.

Mrs. Costello-Falvo explained that earlier in Megan's life, she had prayed for Megan's complete recovery, "I wanted her to be healed completely," she said. "Now I know it's not in my time."

Gratitude for Megan

In a book Mrs. Costello-Falvo is writing about her experience of raising a child with special needs, she writes, "I am so very, eternally grateful for my gift. I hold onto it gently as the Father holds onto his children, allowing her time and freedom to do things in her own time and in her own special way, knowing that perfection is not of the earth but awaits us at heaven's gate."

She said having Megan has helped her to see others in a new light. "As I watch Megan unfold, I see my husband and people we meet in a new way," she said. "I also have seen changes in me."

Having Megan also taught the couple compassion and consideration for others. Mrs. Costello-Falvo said she has met many wonderful families and children, and is more open to listening to other's struggles than she had been in the past. She also assists other parents in similar circumstances who have lost the will to fight or who don't know where to begin.

Supportive

The Falvos told The Evangelist that they are grateful to have each other. They have seen single parents with handicapped children, and they don't think they could survive if they didn't have each other. The Falvos were told by their doctors that the majority of parents with children like Megan end up divorced.

"Boston Children's Hospital said they were surprised we were still together," Mr. Falvo said.

The couple admits it is difficult to have time for each other. A counselor suggested that for the sake of their marriage, they go out one evening a month together. The couple laughed because finding care for Megan for an evening out is extremely difficult; a weekend away is impossible.

Normality

The Falvos consider their daughter normal. "There is a preconceived notion of normal," Mrs. Costello-Falvo stated. "My child is normal and perfect for me. This is the only way I know her."

Mrs. Costello-Falvo adamantly objects to the Human Genome Project, which maps genetic information and seeks to identify genes that might indicate defects and diseases. The project, launched in 1990, has been touted as the key to reducing or eliminating genetic defects.

"I have extreme objections to the project," she said. "There is meant to be divine order in all of us. If we interrupt this plan for the perfect population, we'll run into problems. It's wrong to abort a child because they could have a disease."

Megan's lessons

In her book, she writes, "Sometimes, there has to be a child that comes along that teaches us wonderful things about ourselves and each other. Without these children, we might go along our merry way never stopping long enough to have compassion or consideration for another."

As science strives to create a perfect population, Mrs. Costello-Falvo wonders what will happen to the children who are born healthy, but later become ill or injured.

The Falvos believe they are only doing what they have been called to do.

"We did what we were asked to do," Mrs. Falvo said. "We had a choice to give up our child or keep her. We kept her. We are grateful for what God has given." [[In-content Ad]]