Faith sustains family amid tragedies

When Patricia Pologa speaks about her life, she smiles. Widely and joyfully.

That feeling is not always so easy for her mother, Venita. At 76, Mrs. Pologa has had to slow down. High blood pressure, heart problems and family tragedies have, at times, made it hard for her to keep up with her daughter, who is developmentally disabled.

"I'm 40," announced Ms. Pologa, proudly. "My family calls me 'you old lady!' I don't feel old."

Diagnoses

When Ms. Pologa was a girl, she was diagnosed with a developmental disability. After she graduated from Albany's Sunshine School, she went to work with the Albany Association of Retarded Citizens.

Then, in 1989, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a neurological disease that cripples the central nervous system. Physicians advised that she be placed somewhere where she could receive physical therapy and health support.

Today, Ms. Pologa fights the disease with the help of staff at DayLight, a program at St. Margaret's Center in Albany.

'Other kids'

Three days a week, she joins other developmentally disabled men and women, from their early twenties to their mid-sixties, who share similar stories to her own.

"The other kids," she calls them. St. Margaret's is "school," and she absolutely loves to go. "I had to get used to it," she admitted, "but I like it!"

When she enters the kitchen from an adjoining sitting room her mother has set up for her -- complete with couch, exercise bike, scads of green plants and a television -- she moves slowly, deliberately. Her mother, helping her to a chair, says that these days "she has trouble with her legs and knees. Coordination is difficult sometimes."

The mother thanks God that Ms. Pologa's MS has not progressed to the point where a wheelchair is needed. But it's still difficult sometimes for both of them.

Services

At DayLight, Ms. Pologa receives physical therapy and creates landscapes with finger paints; she chats and socializes with her peers, singing at the top of her lungs when one has a birthday; she plays Bingo, receives medicine and works with nurses to keep her condition from deteriorating.

The avid Yankees fan boos the Red Sox, loves doing a warbling impression of Barry Manilow -- "I write the songs that make the whole world sing," she croons -- and laughs heartily when she wins at the card game UNO.

DayLight "certainly takes up the slack in Patty's life," said Mrs. Pologa. "She comes home every day with a smile on her face."

At home

Home for Mrs. Pologa and her daughter is a well-kept, one-story brick house across the street from St. Catherine of Siena parish in Albany.

On the refrigerator are photos of Mrs. Pologa's children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Elsewhere, dried flowers in an old picture frame surround six boisterously laughing middle-aged people caught in a joyful moment. Mrs. Pologa points to a man on the upper left side of the photo.

"That's him," she said, sadly. "A parent always believes that they'll outlive their children, but things don't always happen that way."

Tragedies

Mrs. Pologa's first child, born when she was only 18, died ten days after birth. Shortly after, her father succumbed to heart disease. Ten years ago, another of her daughters drowned. Three years later, her husband of 50 years passed away. And, only two years ago, the laughing man in the picture died in a motorcycle crash.

Now, living steps away from her church, Mrs. Pologa holds fast to her faith.

"If it weren't for my faith in God, I never would have made it," she said. "I would have never gotten this far. Between my faith and friends and God, that's what pulled me through."

Making it through

Mrs. Pologa credits the DayLight program with helping her daughter deal with the confusing questions surrounding her brother's death.

"Patty is very sensitive," she said. "We've had quite a few bad times that were hard for Patty to handle. But Patty prays a lot. She has a lot of faith in God."

"It's a sad thing to go through," Ms. Pologa chimed in. "But if you don't let it go, then afterward, it eats you up inside."

God and the Pologas

"We don't fear death in this house at all," Mrs. Pologa said. "I explain to Patty that we'll all be together again, and that's how we live out each day. I wish that other people could understand that anytime you need God, He's there. So many people have tragedies. They forget God. That's why they struggle so hard. He certainly can bring anyone through anything. Keep the faith -- that's where it begins."

"When I go to heaven," Ms. Pologa affirmed with a steady voice, "there will be no more suffering and no more pain. We're going to be brave. We have to."

On Saturdays at four, mother and daughter make the small pilgrimage to Mass at St. Catherine's, where friends wait with hellos and hugs. Mrs. Pologa calls her fellow parishioners "wonderful" and "sincere," and loves the way they accept her daughter.

After she lost her husband, Mrs. Pologa knew "there was going to come a time when I would be alone. But Patty and I keep each other company. We're good for each other. She's my sidekick."

"She's a good Mom!" exclaimed Ms. Pologa. "I love her! And she knows it."

And her mother smiles.

(5/29/03) [[In-content Ad]]