Faith has buoyed couple through 50-year marriage

When Alfred and Mary Doris DiCaprio were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary recently, they knew what they wanted: a quiet Mass at St. Michael's Church in Amsterdam, where they were married, followed by breakfast with family and friends.

Their four sons were present, and their grandchildren brought up the Offertory gifts. They renewed their vows in front of 60 friends and family.

Especially poignant and joyful for them were the two altar servers: their grandson, Ben, who was putting on the server's robe for the first time, and his Uncle David, who has Down syndrome.

"We had a beautiful Mass," Mrs. DiCaprio said. "It was a dream come true to see our grandson and David serve together."

Life with David

When David, the DiCaprios' fourth son, was born, his parents knew very little about Down syndrome. They were told their son might never talk, that he could have problems walking and learning, and that life would never be the same.

What they found out, she said, is that he brought "so much joy" to their lives. But, that revelation took a while. The temptation to "go home and draw all the curtains" was strong, she noted. "One of my fears was that nobody would like him."

However, their family and friends enthusiastically welcomed David, who is now 36. The discovery of other families with children who had Down prompted her to form a support group for mothers.

Making life complete

The DiCaprios now assert that their lives wouldn't be complete without their smiling son. "I wouldn't want to miss him for the world," his mother said. "You put your faith in God to pull you through."

His siblings have moved away, but David remains at home with his parents and will do so until they are no longer able to care for him. His early years were filled with neighbors who dropped by every day; with nuns from St. Mary of Mount Carmel School who inquired about his health; with his brothers' friends who invited him to play.

"Dave, when you touch someone's life, they never forget you because you're so sweet," she told her son.

"Thank you, you're sweet too," he responded.

Helping at home

David periodically helps his father in his work as a carpet installer and makes sure his mother knows about which medicines she must take. He's deft with household chores: laundry, helping to get water for his young nephews, knowing where things are in the kitchen.

"He helps me on my job," said David's father. "And at the end of the day, he thanks me! I should be the one thanking him first."

There are bad times: David has health problems, many of them caused by his disability. But, there are the good times, too: like when he won an award at his high-school graduation.

Altar server

"I always felt very bad that David did not go to Catholic school," his mother said, "so I looked for ways" he could connect to his faith.

She wanted him to be an altar server, but his learning style requires repetition and explanation. When she asked the woman who trains altar servers to give a little extra help to David, the woman assented.

He served for years with that woman's daughter until she went to college. A high-school boy replaced her. During his senior year, the DiCaprios began to worry that there was no one to take up the position once he went on to college. So the teen began to teach David what he'd have to know to serve by himself. As a result, David now serves the 8 a.m. Sunday Mass at St. Michael's without assistance.

"It's been a rocky road, but I still say I wouldn't miss it for the world," said Mrs. DiCaprio. "God is helping us do these things. We are so fortunate -- 50 years of love and life and kids. I say to my kids: 'If you can be as happy as your father and I, you've lived a good life.'"

(David enjoys sports, such as basketball, baseball, bowling and golf; he likes to go to Bingo at the Elks Club; he is a fan of Syracuse University basketball; he has competed in relay events of the Special Olympics; and he loves country music. Mrs. DiCaprio has spent 25 years as a volunteer at St. Mary's Hospital in Amsterdam. She is a Eucharistic minister, washes and irons for the parish, and visits her sons' retired teachers at St. Joseph's Provincial House in Latham. "Being Catholic is a joy," she said. "Faith in God is a joy. I love going to church every week.")

(6/2/05)