Everyday faith focus for Family Life director

The goal of Sister Kay Ryan, CSJ, in her new position as director of the Albany diocesan Family Life Office is simple: "To continue the philosophy of the office, which is to support the faith that exists in the home in everyday life."

The office oversees marriage preparation, bereavement ministries, outreach to the divorced and separated, a Respect Life component, parenting programs, a young adult task force, and marriage and family enrichment efforts. Those programs are sustained by 500 volunteers.

"We're here to serve the parish, and the parish serves the people," Sister Kay said. "It's not what the people can do for the parish. The parish needs to support the people."

Shift in focus

The Family Life Office recently began to shift its focus away from running programs to supporting the leadership involved in the programs. Sister Kay will be responsible for implementing the shift.

She will also evaluate marriage preparation programs. Currently, there are four such programs in the Diocese. The ideal is to have more parish-based marriage preparation taking place.

Engagement is an important part in family development and marks the beginning of a family, she explained. Marriage preparation is a significant opportunity for the parish to reach out to a newly developing family.

"Birth, marriage and death are key moments of family ministry," she said. "We need to see that it's the family system that's taking part in the sacraments. For example, the family system is being baptized, not just a child."

Family as a whole

Family ministry has changed in recent years, she said. Now there is a realization that families are ministering to one another throughout everyday life.

"Ministry happens for 98 percent of the people in the marketplace not in the pew," she said.

Working parents may fear that they aren't giving their children enough time, but according to Sister Kay, it's what they do with the time that they have that is important.

"I'm not sure that my own mother had more quality time with me just because she didn't work outside of the home," Sister Kay said. "That five-minute ride to the baseball field is quality time. The challenge is to use these times appropriately."

Caught in myths

Sister Kay has seen many families get caught up in what they think they "should" be doing.

"Families get tied into definitions," she said. "A family meal can take place at McDonald's. It doesn't have to be at the dining room table."

She has also seen families caught up in statistics. Media reports on the effect of working parents or child care cause many parents to feel guilty about the life they are providing for their families.

"We need to look at our strengths," she said. "We're becoming a culture that believes that there's a proper way of doing things and that if we read the right book, we'll parent the right way."

While there are hundreds of such books on the market, Sister Kay said most people learn to parent from their own parents. "We learn to parent by the families we came from. We modify our experiences," she said.

Experience

Family ministry is not new for Sister Kay. For the past nine years, she has served as associate director of the Family Life Office. She has a master's degree in Pastoral Ministry from Boston College and has participated in post graduate seminars on family systems.

She is also the member of a large family. She has five brothers and sisters, and 13 nieces and nephews.

To those who may ask what a nun knows about family life, Sister Kay has a simple answer: "I am the member of a family. I have parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I face the same family issues other people do, like care for the elderly, the choices of the young, and dealing with issues and conflicts."

Family support

Her family has been supportive of her career. "When I first started, they asked why I chose this. Now they say, 'Do you like it? Good. Need anything?'

"My father asks, 'What are you saying about us now?' But they are supportive and encouraging," she said. "In fact, my mother offered to be my new secretary."

Sister Kay began her career as a teacher. In the mid 1970s, her religious community did a survey of the dioceses where they were serving to discover future ministry needs. Pastoral ministry was identified as a need, so Sister Kay got a degree in that. From there, she moved to family ministry. Much of her work has been with separated and divorced Catholics, and in bereavement ministry.

"I'm looking forward to working with the people," she said. "I also hope to continue to grow myself." [[In-content Ad]]