Envy resents others

"Fighting the green-eyed monster" sounds like the title of a bad B-movie; but for most Catholics, the struggle against envy is all too real, and can be a daily battle waged around water coolers and across kitchen tables.

"Envy is saying, 'I want what somebody else has," said Sister Francis Anne Gilchrist, CSJ, co-director of The Priory retreat center in Chestertown. "Envy is being under the illusion that happiness comes from outside, that things and relationships will make me happy."

On the job, envy could be coveting your co-worker's corner office -- or the promotion he got but which you worked hard to achieve. At home, people might envy a friend's new car or their sibling's good looks.

Judgment

In all such cases, people judge themselves in relation to exterior things, said Sister Anne, and "forget what is the real source of healthy self-esteem."

She believes that while people's skills and relationships play a distinct role in making them who they are, the picture isn't yet complete.

"I used to be a good chemistry teacher. I used to also play a great game of basketball," she explained. Now that she's older, she can do neither as well as she once could, and it would be easy for her to be envious of those who continue to succeed in those fields.

"I can feel good about the fact that I have these skills," she explained, "but I'm foolish to depend on them to define myself."

Self-worth

"I can justifiably feel good about myself if I'm a good child or sibling or spouse or friend," she explained, "but I also ought not to count on that too much, because relationships do change."

Basing self-worth on such aspects makes the soul a breeding ground for envy, said Sister Anne.

Instead, she recommends "knowing that real worth comes from the fact that you're made and loved by God, and that is never going to go away, never going to decrease, and never going to change."

Opposite of envy

Love is the cure for envy, Sister Anne said, adding that gratitude also makes up a significant part of the antidote.

She defines love from an ancient source: St. Thomas Aquinas, who said that "love is willing good for the other, and seeing to it that good gets done."

Practicing gratitude can help bring an envious person closer to love, she said. Recognizing "all the wonderful things that God has given me, being grateful for them and living in that gratitude" allows the human being to overcome envy.

"If I'm doing that, I'm not going to be wanting all the stuff that you have," she pointed out, "because I'm going to know that I have what I need, because the God who loves me is giving me what I need."

Why, God?

"If you don't get that promotion, and you've tried everything you can do to get it, maybe you were not supposed to get it," Sister Anne said. "Maybe there was something there that would have been a detriment to you," such as taking you away from your family for increasing periods of time through business trips or more hours logged at the office.

"I think that we sometimes forget that God is all-loving towards us, and that God works through the circumstances of our lives," Sister Anne said. "We have to rely on the fact that we believe. It's a matter of faith. I believe that it's the loving God who will work through that disappointment and use that circumstances in my life to bring about good."

(3/13/03) [[In-content Ad]]