Diary of her growth in faith

Each summer, the Office of Religious Education sponsors the Christian Leadership Institute for the teens of the Diocese at Pyramid Life Center in the Adirondacks. This year, CLI participant Kim Blake, a parishioner of Holy Spirit Church in East Greenbush, kept a journal to provide Evangelist readers an insider's view of the CLI experience.

Before I arrived at the Christian Leadership Institute (CLI), I was a little nervous because I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know anyone at the camp. Fortunately, my fears were alleviated when I learned that we were all in the same boat.

Perhaps one of the most challenging experiences for me today was when we were told to take a handful of M&Ms (of course, I took a lot). We then learned that for each M&M we took, we had to name a positive thing about ourselves. This was difficult for me because I felt like I was floating my own boat.

Undoubtedly, the most spiritually moving part of my day was at the chapel at the closing of the day. As we walked into the candlelit cabin, we silently took our seats. Then, almost out of nowhere, the song "You Must Love Me," by Madonna was playing. When it was over, one of the priests at the camp and a boy at the camp performed a skit. The priest portrayed Paul preaching to Athens. This related to the song because he repeatedly declared "they must love me."

This presentation helped me realize the message that he was trying to convey. Being a Christian, I should not demand love and respect from everyone I try to edify, but rather, I should love and respect everyone I encounter. I must be tolerant of everyone in my community and parish, especially those who do not share my ideas and beliefs.

To conclude our prayer service, we all sat quietly in the candlelight, listening to the soft, melodious sounds of the organ music as people asked that we pray for certain people. This was so soothing and refreshing. Here I was in a room with a bunch of people I'd only known for seven hours, and we were all opening up to one another. I grew closer to each person with each prayer I prayed. It was a very touching experience. In the words of "Annie," "I think I'm gonna like it here!"

DAY 2

Today, Father George Fleming played the song "God Help the Outcasts," from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, to exemplify the meaning of prayer. It should be selfless. I especially found the second workshop on forms of prayer to be extremely beneficial. At the first station, we went to the candlelit chapel, and while listening to Pachelbel's "Canon in D," we practiced guided meditation. While we closed our eyes, the director told us to envision ourselves breathing out all of our earthly troubles and concerns, while breathing in the Lord. We were then told to imagine ourselves at the happiest time in our lives.

I found this form of prayer to be very relaxing and spiritually cleansing. I found myself in a dream-like state. I was very surprised to learn that this calming meditation was really prayer.

At another station, we explored spiritual messages and themes in contemporary music. We listened to such songs as "Who Will Save Your Soul," by Jewel and "I Believe Love is the Answer," by Blessed Union of Souls.

Later, we attended Mass at the chapel where one of the groups of CLI members had prepared a liturgy. They acted out a skit about the Good Shepherd.

What I really enjoyed about this service was that there was a real sense of unity. We all held hands during the "Our Father," clapped hands during the hymns and took 10 minutes just to hug everyone as a sign of peace.

Today was very enjoyable for me, especially because I took a hike to a waterfall during free-time. It was absolutely breathtaking. Looking at this magnificent piece of nature, I was reminded of God. This was interesting because until now I had never thought how the Lord existed in nature. On my way back from the waterfall, I hugged a tree.

DAY 3

The workshop today was on effective communication. We all learned how to be "empathetic listeners."

I became very in touch with my feelings when we learned about "I feel" statements. Everyone paired off and walked through the camp describing their feelings saying "I feel.... when....because....and I'd prefer...." I found this interesting because I tend to blame my feelings on others. This exercise really helped me to realize that I am the one that brings on those feelings.

Tonight, we went to chapel for Mass to celebrate the Feast of Peter and Paul. Father George gave a homily that I found to be very educational. He explained what each part of the Mass entails and why the priest does what he does.

To conclude the day, our "lights out activity" was walking through the woods in pitch darkness in total silence, focusing on the sounds of nature. On the way back, we all lit candles and sang "This Little Light of Mine."

DAY 4

Today's workshop was on "Group Dynamics." During the course of the workshop we were put into groups of six and told to pretend that we were a team of surgeons and given a list of people who were in need of heart transplants. We had to decide, individually, who we thought should receive the operation. We chose between a 15-year-old white teen who was pregnant, a 17-year-old white, high school dropout, a 12-year-old musical prodigy (Japanese-American), a 31-year-old black woman who was a famous brain surgeon at the height of her career, an Hispanic 38-year-old teacher with two children, and a 35-year-old white male who was doing major research for AIDS. The idea was not to come to a consensus on this topic, but rather to listen to everyone's viewpoint.

We also had to complete given tasks, while some people in the group were blindfolded, others had their hands and feet tied, and still others were muted by duct tape covering their mouth.

I was mute. This was very difficult and frustrating for me. It was so odd for me to have to sit back and watch people offer their suggestions and not be able to comment on them and offer mine. I also realized that perhaps I talk too much. I noticed people that usually don't talk were freely offering input. I learned that maybe I intimidate them, or perhaps I just hog the limelight.

We also had a workshop on "comprehensive youth ministry," in which the groups had to list all of the events and organizations within our parish that involve youth. I was pleasantly surprised to discover how much opportunity the youth have to become involved in my church. I also got ideas for youth involvement such as church lock-ins, picnics, field trips, gift baskets and babysitting while children's parents voted.

DAY 5

Today I learned about decision making. First, we had to write about a difficult decision we had to make in the past and then tell what steps we took in making that decision and why we took those steps. Then we learned about the proper and effective way to go about making decisions with a group.

The next workshop focused on planning skills. Everyone was divided into groups according to our deanery. We then had to establish an objective according to what phase we decided our deanery was in. We decided Rensselaer County was in phase 2 (there is a good beginning of youth ministry already in our parish). We then decided on a goal: to connect with our parishes to share ideas, resources and to grow. We developed a plan of action: contact former CLI graduates from our deanery; plan to meet with them; write to the parish council leader and pastors; establish a youth council; make our parish and community aware of what we are doing.

I am confident that we will all do our best to keep in touch and truly give our all to make our goal a reality. If we, the future Christian leaders of the world, do not, then who will?

I feel motivated and excited about returning home so that I can utilize all of the skills and methods of prayer that CLI has taught me. I am also hopeful that I have gained a greater sense of spirituality here and that it will shine through in the way that I act around my loved ones, my encounters with strangers and especially, in my relationship with God. I feel that my faith in God and my religion has been immensely strengthened by CLI.

During our last Mass together, we shared how or where we found Jesus at CLI and how this will affect us when we leave. It was very touching to hear that someone found Jesus in all of us, another found Jesus when she was sitting on a rock by the lake and she heard her name being called in the wind, but no one was there. I found Jesus in the peace that I have achieved here: the peace of the placid lake, fresh pine trees, and the serene blue sky, the peace of a comforting smile of a new friend who I feel I've known for years, the peace of meditation. I hope that I can further achieve this peace when I am back home around familiar surroundings, away from the picturesque scenery and welcoming silence, away from the friends I've made and the leaders who have taught me, with whom I share a strong, common bond -- our faith.

DAY 6

Today was my last day at CLI. The gloomy, rainy weather was indicative of everyone's feelings. We were all sad about leaving this family we had made, but we knew it was time to go forth as Christian leaders and share all of our skills and gifts.

I realize that as a Christian leader, just like Paul, as a disciple of Jesus, I will face conflict and ridicule. I must remember what I have learned at CLI and use those tools to build up my strength, courage and perseverance so that I will remain dedicated to my calling as a Christian leader. I must not succumb to the false piety and lack of faith that deteriorate the truth and goodness in our society today.

As graduated members of the Christian Leadership Institute, staff, friends and loved ones gathered at the chapel, we were anointed by Father George as he signed the cross on our foreheads with oil and said, "Go forth to share your gifts and talents as a Christian leader."

Each parish received a candle which is to be placed somewhere special within the church. I accepted the candle of behalf of Holy Spirit parish and was told to "carry the light and be cured by the light."

At the end of the celebration -- after the slideshow depicting all of the memories we created together at CLI -- we joined together for one last song: "You Are the Voice." Tears of sorrow and joy fell as the congregation, embracing in unity, sang the final words: "You are the voice of the spirit of God, calling us now to live in your love and be children of God once again."

(07-24-97) [[In-content Ad]]