Decision to enter convent takes time, thought and prayer

* "Ruth," a nurse, both in their forties (names have been changed to protect their privacy)

* Sister Dolores Marie Palermo, CR, a Resurrection Sister from Castleton who's been involved in vocations work for three years

* Sister Katherine "Kitty" Hanley, CSJ, parish liaison for the diocesan Vocations Office and vocations director for the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet

* Sister Lindora Cabral, RSM, one of the membership team for six regions in the Northeast for the Sisters of Mercy

***

THE SCENE:

***

The Evangelist: How did you hear about these meetings?

Donna: I saw it in a church bulletin. I had started thinking about it, and someone encouraged me to go. I met with Sister Kitty a couple of times. I would never have thought of this 20 or 30 years ago. [But] when the feeling just won't go away.

Sister Dolores Marie: It's like a melody you just can't get out of your mind. This refuels me, rekindles my own vocation, when I hear people asking questions. I just love to hear people's stories.

Sister Kitty [after an opening prayer]: Maybe we can start with any questions you might have.

Ruth: It would be most helpful to talk about your focus, what things you do.

Sister Dolores Marie: We always talk about `it's who we are in our Baptism that means the most to us, and what we do flows out of that.' What we do is service to God [through] the charisms of our communities. We try to serve the people of God. Any way you could think of, there is probably a religious community serving God that way.

Sister Kitty: We try to do it out of our gifts. Some congregations have very specific ministries. The Carmelite Sisters of the Aged and Infirm sponsor Teresian House; other communities would have a variety of ministries. Most of the time, they're connected with a church. We [Sisters of St. Joseph] live together in community, and we share about it and talk about it. The bulk of our sisters would be in schools, parish work or some phase of health care. If you said, `I'd like to continue being a good nurse,' there are probably six communities [where you can do that].

Ruth: How do you narrow it down? I've been looking into this for a couple of years, and it gets to be so much.

Donna: Don't go too [overboard].

Sister Kitty: You really have to read your heart and say, `This is where I feel most at home.' Sometimes, other people can see it more than you do. Thirty years ago, I don't think most people had that question. You went to school, you were taught by Resurrection Sisters [or another order] and you said, `I want to be just like them.' Today, people say, `I have this vocation; now I want to find the community to which I have it.' Sometimes, a vocation director can tell. They might say, `What I hear makes me think you ought to talk to the Daughters of Charity.' Sometimes, you have to go for a retreat for a weekend. Walk in the cemetery and ask the deceased sisters for guidance. Remember, we are not working for the Sisters of St. Joseph or the Resurrection Sisters. We are working for the Church.

Sister Dolores Marie: What makes us most happy is to see someone find where God is calling them.

Sister Lindora: Back in February, we [Mercy Sisters] had a discernment day in New Hampshire with five people who were discerning. You get a sense of that particular community. People once picked a community because of what they were doing. Today, communities do a lot of things.

Ruth: That's why it's so difficult!

Sister Kitty: As you can see from looking at us, we each live out our vocations in a variety of ways.

Sister Dolores Marie: We [Sisters of the Resurrection] were founded by a mother and daughter who had that vision that Christ makes a difference in our lives -- that peace, that joy of the risen Lord.

Ruth: How old is your community?

Sister Dolores Marie: A little over 100 years old.

Sister Kitty: All three of [our communities] had European roots.

Sister Lindora: We [Sisters of Mercy] were founded in Ireland in 1831 by Catherine McAuley, who was very concerned about single women needing education and good shelter. Her plan was to open this `house of mercy,' but the Church in those days thought she should found an order -- so she did. She combined spirituality with works of mercy.

Sister Kitty: We [Sisters of St. Joseph] were founded in France in 1650 by a group of six women who went to a Jesuit priest to ask him to help them become more organized as what they called a `little society.' There's a quote that goes, `A vocation is where the world's deep need and my deep joy come together.' The sisters came to this country to teach the deaf and African-American children. All of us have community feasts around these founding persons.

Ruth: Do you have any guidance on the steps to take when you're first starting to look into this? As much reading as I do, this is probably the first active step I've taken.

Donna: You have to talk to each community. It's just going and meeting the people. When I spent a weekend retreat at the Provincial House, it opened up a whole new world for me.

Sister Kitty: We can tell you what we're looking for: a generous person, a person that has good social skills, a person with a reasonably adult faith. Do you have the energy, inclination and stamina to enter into this ministry? The easiest way to ask is: Have you been employed full-time? Do you have some sense of what it means to choose celibacy -- and to live in community? That can be like eating something you don't like because someone you live with cooked it. [Where I live,] it's rare for anybody to go to bed before we've all checked in with one another. We pray together every morning.

Sister Dolores Marie: What is the desire you have? How do you see yourself living the Christian life? Are you on fire? Hearing someone's vocation story, what has drawn them -- these are things that are all helps. Praying, talking, reading. Then when you get more serious, visiting the various communities. This is a good first step.

Sister Lindora: Sometimes, people like to keep a journal, to say to themselves, `What am I looking for?'

Ruth: That's a good idea. I didn't think of that.

Sister Kitty: Some communities have age requirements; some require a high-school education; some require a college degree. The Maryknolls require you to serve overseas, so you have a different kind of health [requirement] because there's no access to regular health care.

Ruth: I was surprised to find out there was an age restriction.

Sister Kitty: Some communities would want to know if you have debt: Have you maxed out five credit cards?

Sister Dolores Marie: For the good of the woman and the community, that open relationship and honesty is a help.

Sister Kitty: If a person is not really happy, it's a good sign. Sometimes, a person labors under, `I don't really want to do this, but I think I have to.' Are there any questions running around in your head, Donna?

Donna: [Someone said to me,] `This discernment process could go on forever. You have to take a leap of faith.' That scared me. You can't say in a year you will know what the answer is.

Sister Kitty: If a person is a senior in high school, I would say, `Go to college, get a job, do a couple of things.' But if a person is in their 30s, I wouldn't encourage them to stay in dialogue for 10 years. There is a fine line between discerning and shopping. It can be helpful to pick a significant event in the future, like your birthday, and say to God, `On that day, I would like the grace to know what I would like to do.' Often, that will prepare your heart. Or say, `For two weeks, I'm going to live `as if.' Fill out an application form to a community. [Ask yourself,] `That felt really good' or `That felt scary or sad.' For two more weeks, live as if you're not going to do this: `I'm going to get on with my life.' Then see if it felt really peaceful or really sad. It's a great scenario.

Sister Lindora: Hopefully, we can be helpful in [helping] a person see when it's time to do that scenario. It's like a counseling situation: You don't want a person to stay in a counseling situation forever. It's important that you're going at a pace that is good.

Sister Kitty: We have a couple of years [when women are entering a religious community; new members are called postulants]. Then we have the novitiate -- you study and pray, learn about the community. That takes a couple of years. Then a woman pronounces temporary vows. After a few years, you take your final vows. The process could last as long as eight years. You live as if you're going to [go ahead]; then if something happens to make you think otherwise, it'll show itself.

Ruth: I think it would be difficult to know for sure, unless you've really lived it.

Donna: I think that's true.

Sister Kitty: It isn't better to come to this decision quickly. You come to it when your heart comes to it. And when you've lived independently, it can be hard to live interdependently. [Addressing the other sisters:] How do the two of make decisions?

Sister Dolores Marie: Taking into prayer the pros and the cons. There's a certain peace that comes. It's like the ocean: on the top, there may be waves; but in the depths, there is peace.

Sister Lindora: I have to make sure my whole being is at peace with it. My head might say yes, but I need to make sure my whole being is comfortable with it. I need to go by my gut as well.

Sister Kitty: It's often helpful to write in my journal or take it in prayer to someone I trust -- my spiritual director, our provincial, even my local community -- then say, `Why don't you live with it for a couple of days to see how it feels?' Of course, I don't always have that luxury. Discernment comes from a word that means, `to sort' or `to sift.'

Ruth: How do go about getting a spiritual director?

Donna: I had gone on a retreat weekend and a deacon at my church gave a wonderful homily. I just started going to him. That was five years ago. Think of someone you trust.

Sister Kitty: If you wanted suggestions, we could certainly supply them. It's important that you feel comfortable with the person. We'd love to have you come back to this group, and you're free to talk to any of us.

Sister Dolores Marie: Our communities are very willing to have you come and visit. That's always the case for all of us. It usually helps a person just to have that time.

Donna: To get a sense of what it's like to be there.

Sister Kitty [joking about the antiquated heating system at her order's Provincial House]: We told one woman, `Be sure to just open the window if it gets hot, close it if it's cold, and there are extra blankets in the closet.' She said, `I thought it was some kind of a test!'

Ruth: This was very helpful. I'm so glad I came.

Sister Kitty: I'm going to give you `Call and Response.' When you read it, certain words are going to stay with you. Take those words. I don't mean that a phrase is enough to make a decision, but it might be a little pointer. We promise to hold you in prayer.

(For information about future discernment meetings, contact the diocesan Vocations Office at 453-6670.)

(04-15-99) [[In-content Ad]]