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PERMANENT DIACONATE

Deacons' wives are as busy as husbands

Deacons are busy. In addition to their regular jobs, most spend more than 20 hours a week on parish and other duties: baptisms, weddings, funeral or other prayer services, counseling and lots of meetings. 

But for many a deacon, there's a spouse who has to juggle family life, professional commitments and church obligations. 

"The primary challenge that faces our family, and probably most families in the diaconate community, is balancing the ministries of diaconate with the obligations of family," said Joan Thiesen, whose husband is Deacon Richard Thiesen, parish life director at Our Lady of Fatima in Schenectady.

Mrs. Thiesen explained that when a deacon is ordained, he is reminded that his marriage and family come first. However, she said, diaconal ministry makes unique time demands on marriages and on families.

All on board
"Our children and grandchildren are sensitive to this challenge," she explained. "But we also rely on others in ordained ministry to help us achieve the balancing act."

Margaret Sedlmeir, wife of Deacon Peter Sedlmeir of St. John the Baptist parish in Greenville, agreed.

"The biggest challenge is time commitments," she said. "Scheduling time for personal life and family life is the main challenge."

According to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, "90 percent of the more than 30,000 deacons around the world are married with families. More than 14,000 deacons - most of whom are married - live, work and minister here in the United States."

In the Albany Diocese, there are 94 active deacons, according to Michael McDonald, diocesan administrative advocate for deacons. About three-fourths of them have full-time jobs; most are married.

The job can be more demanding in that deacons may be assigned where they are needed, and no longer automatically to their home parish as was once the case, Deacon McDonald explained. 

Distaff differences
Just as there are many deacons ministering in the U.S., there are various ways that wives of deacons juggle the demands.

"Each wife must determine through prayer and reflection what her response to her husband's diaconate is going to be," the USCCB states. 

Sometimes a wife is active in formal ministry before her husband becomes a deacon; sometimes she is drawn into team ministry with her husband. Other wives choose not to participate in public ministry, according to the USCCB.

Mrs. Thiesen sees her role in her husband's ministry as one of support. "Dick is very busy both as a deacon and a parish life director. He also volunteers a few nights a month as an on-call chaplain at Ellis Hospital," she said. "We work closely together to coordinate our schedules so that we find time for ministry, family and each other."

While her husband is busy with his ministry, Mrs. Thiesen has a full calendar of her own. Last year, she served as interim principal at St. Helen's School in Niskayuna; this year, she serves as the school's reading teacher.

"This is particularly meaningful to me as part of the 'Called to Be Church' linkage between Our Lady of Fatima and St. Helen's" parishes, she noted. 

Her other service includes assisting her son, Michael, in providing sandwiches to Bethesda House, a drop-in center for the poor in Schenectady; serving as a member of her parish's compassion team, which provides meals and support to families experiencing illness; and serving on the Deacon Life and Ministry Council.

Mrs. Sedlmeir also is busy with her own volunteer commitments. She is in the parish choir and is a lector. She was on the board of directors of Catholic Charities of Columbia and Greene Counties and is on the Deacon Life and Ministry Council. 

Joining hands
Mrs. Sedlmeir said the support provided by other wives of deacons has been very helpful. Since moving to the Albany Diocese from Long Island, the couple has been part of a deacon and wife support group that meets monthly to eat and pray together. 

Mrs. Thiesen is part of a similar support group. "The wives in the group are always there for each other," she said.

Wives of deacons play an important role in the formation of deacons. According to the USCCB, a man can't enter into formation without the consent of his wife.

Mrs. Sedlmeir wasn't surprised by her husband's desire to become a deacon. "I was very glad," she said. "I was already thinking about it myself."

Mrs. Thiesen said the road to the diaconate has been an awesome one. "We look back and forward with awe," she said. "As the hand of God has guided us...we often wonder, 'How did we get here and where will the journey take us?' You just have to let go and enjoy the ride."

(Christopher D. Ringwald, editor, contributed to this story.)

(09/17/09) [[In-content Ad]]

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