Deacon honored for mediation

In his ministry at St. Joseph's parish in Cohoes, Deacon Andy Cohen often prays that God will use him to speak.

At other times, the deacon's prayer is that God will help him to not speak.

Deacon Cohen was recently named "mediator of the year" by Mediation Matters, a not-for-profit agency offering mediation services to persons in conflict in Albany, Rensselaer, Saratoga, Warren and Washington Counties.

"Before a homily, I pray that God will use me," he told The Evangelist. "It's not so much what I want to say, but what God wants people to hear. Before I go in[to] a mediation session, I pray that God will be with all of us and use me."

Mediators, he said, spend their time listening rather than speaking. During mediation, Deacon Cohen refrains from offering opinions; his role is to ask open-ended questions and to listen to the answers.

"As mediators, we don't give a lot of advice," he said.

Volunteering

Deacon Cohen had learned about the concept of mediation through his work with the U.S. Geological Survey, where he was a hydrologist. His employer had asked for volunteers to be trained in mediation to help resolve employee conflicts.

But it wasn't until he retired three years ago that he began volunteering as one of 140 mediators with Mediation Matters.

Mediation, he said is very different from his prior career.

"I was technically oriented," he remarked. "Now, I wonder if maybe I should have been in human resources."

With Mediation Matters, he handles cases involving child custody and visitation, landlord and tenants, and small claims court.

In the mediation process, a trained, impartial person helps others negotiate a dispute and develop mutually-acceptable solutions.  Mediators help people identify underlying issues and find areas of agreement; the mediator's goal is to make sure that everyone's concerns are heard and addressed.

How it happens

Deacon Cohen said that people can seek out mediation on their own or may be directed to it by a judge: for example, a judge may ask two disputants in small claims court to try resolving their conflict through mediation; or a family court judge may give a couple the opportunity to work on custody issues with mediation.

If mediation fails, cases can then go before a judge. But once a case goes to court, the deacon noted, the chance for a mutually beneficial outcome decreases, since a judge may enforce a decision that doesn't satisfy both parties.

Deacon Cohen believes "anytime two people are willing to come together to talk with each other is a positive step," even though cases don't always end with an agreement. He said the process can help participants get a glimpse of conflict resolution skills.

"There are a great many cases where mediation doesn't work," the deacon said. "Still, what they are doing is productive. Talking civilly is helpful, even if they walk out without an agreement."

Human behavior

In his time as a mediator, Deacon Cohen has become a student of human behavior and cultural changes. "I've learned that some people are more emotional than others," he explained. "I've had to recognize that that's just how some people are."

One cultural change that's been challenging to observe is the increasing use of vulgar language: "I hear a lot of bad language. It's offensive to me, but it's not offensive to them. It's just the way they talk to each other."

Deacon Cohen sees volunteering as a mediator a part of his ministry as a deacon. Deacons, he said, do both liturgical ministry and service; serving as a mediator is part of his service ministry.

The interpersonal and listening skills he uses as a mediator assist him as a deacon, while faith helps him prepare for mediating sessions.

(06/12/08) [[In-content Ad]]