Cupid, yes; Tattoo, no, on ABC

Footballs are starting to spiral in the air. Back-to-school shopping has begun. The pungent stench of failed sitcoms can be sniffed on the wind.

Those sure signs of autumn signal that it's time for my annual look at the upcoming TV season, which is filled with news magazines, comedies about friends who live together and another priest-character to turn up the heat on the bubbling cauldron at the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.

This week, let's peek at the eight new shows that will debut on ABC, shows that are packed with people you never heard of, such as Louis Lombardi, Elise Neal, Brad Whitford and Sally Wheeler. Who knows which one of them might become this season's star to remember?

Here are the five comedies coming to ABC:

* "Brother's Keeper" takes the premise of "The Odd Couple" and tosses in a child. An uptight English prof and his little son happily live on their own until they are invaded by dad's brother, a rebellious football player who must reside with responsible people in order to keep his job as quarterback for the '49ers. Think of it as "Masterpiece Theatre" hosted by Dennis Rodman.

* "The Hughleys" are an African-American family who have attained the American dream of a house in the suburbs and a secure future. But Dad wonders if they are losing touch with their roots by becoming part of the middle class. Several previous attempts at this same formula have failed, including last year's NBC comedy, "Built to Last."

* "The Secret Lives of Men" looks at a trio of divorced buddies who have to support one another in their new world of alimony, visitation rights and dating. As far as I know, President Clinton is not one of the three. Yet.

* "Sports Night" does for a fictional TV sports report what "NewsRadio" does for, well, news radio; what "Lateline" did (briefly) for a late-night news show; and what, many autumns ago, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" did for local news. In other words, the gang behind the fake show become the gang on the real show. Or is it the other way around?

* "Two of a Kind" restores the Olsen twins to Friday night TV where they reigned for years on "Full House." As Patty Duke did by herself, they play twins who are polar opposites: one is a tomboy, the other is a brainiac. (No mention is made in ABC's press release about a hot dog causing anyone to lose control.) But the sisters agree on one thing: the urgency of finding a new wife for their professor pop.

In addition to those comedies, ABC has a trinity of one-hour dramas -- using the term very loosely -- slated for the fall:

* "Cupid" focuses on a man who claims to be the little cherub of arrows and amour. Locked in a padded cell, he says that his goal is to bring 100 couples together in love -- without the use of magic. Think "Love Boat" plus "Touched by an Angel."

* "Fantasy Island" floats back into view without Tattoo but with the same premise: People arrive on the magical isle to fulfill some long-held wish for their lives. When they get it, as a saint once noted, the results aren't always positive.

* "Vengeance Unlimited" is the charming title of a show about the mysterious Mr. Chapel, who was the victim of a crime. Mr. Chapel doesn't like being a victim. Mr. Chapel works to make sure criminals get punished if they slip through the legal system. Mr. Chapel has an ironic sense of getting even that doesn't involve guns or killing. Mr. Chapel doesn't sound too church-like.

ABC NOTES: The network is adding a third night of "20/20"....On Saturday mornings, your children can watch several returning Disney cartoons with the addition of another: "Disney's Hercules." Can you guess which large entertainment company owns ABC?...On tap to replace any losers among the fall shows is "Strange Days," an "X Files" clone about weird goings-on in the worlds of the military and big science....

(Next: What's on CBS this fall?)

(08-27-98) [[In-content Ad]]