Couple walks long road on way to adoption

In many ways, they say, adoption was meant to be. "Adoption was at the back of my head," Maureen said, "so I put our name on the list" at Community Maternity Services, an agency of Albany diocesan Catholic Charities.

With an 18- to 24-month waiting period before a couple can even begin the process, she contacted the agency while they were still going through infertility treatments. The call from CMS inviting the couple to begin came as Bill and Maureen (who asked that their last name not be used) realized that they wouldn't have a biological child.

Freed up

After two years on the list and waiting to be screened by the agency, the couple began participating in CMS adoption classes. Eleven months later, their daughter Erin was home with them.

They were pleased with their experience with CMS.

"We didn't want our pictures on the internet or have to get an 800 number," Bill said. "CMS is an organization you can trust."

Small market

The NAIC also reports that the number of teens placing their children up for adoption has declined sharply in recent decades. In 1995, 51 percent of teens that became pregnant gave birth, 35 percent had abortions, 14 percent miscarried and less than 1 percent chose to place their children for adoption.

According to Margaret Ellett, associate executive director of CMS, changes in society account for the decline in the number of infants available for adoption. "There's more of an acceptance of single parenting," she said, "and there are more supports for them."

These supports include agencies, like CMS, that provide programs for the young families as well as family members willing to assist in rasing the child.

Best for child

"A child grows up best in a loving, supportive family," she said. "If that can happen in a biological family -- good. If it can't, the best place is a place where they can be loved, cared for and grow up healthy."

Ms. Ellett said the process of adopting has changed over the years. While those seeking to adopt used to contact an agency like CMS, couples now have the option of private adoption. In a private adoption, the couple seeks a baby through advertising, 800 numbers, posters and the internet.

Preparing

In the six-week group, potential adoptive parents learn about adoption and parenting, and meet both a birth parent and adoptive parent who share their stories.

The paperwork includes an autobiography, a medical report, four references, state clearance, fingerprints, income statements and education statements. The adoptive parents are also able to determine the amount of contact they would be willing to have with the birth mother after the child is born.

Ms. Ellett said adoptions are more open now than in years past. Adoptive parents often agree to send the birth mother pictures of the child on a regular basis. Some agree to a yearly meeting.

Erin arrives

The birth mother had an idea of how she wanted the adoption to take place. The plan was for Maureen to be in the delivery room with her. When the birth mother was being discharged, she wanted to hand the baby to Bill and Maureen.

At the last minute, however, there were complications with the birth father, so Maureen wasn't able to be in the room. The baby also had to spend her first three weeks living with a foster family. On the day Bill and Maureen were to take Erin home, the birth mother still hoped to place the baby in their arms. A storm prevented her from being there.

"I feel bad for the birth mother," Maureen said. "It didn't go how she wanted."

She and Bill send pictures and a letter to the mother once a year. The birth mother has also written to Erin. The couple have no reservations about this openness. "We are definitely this baby's parents," Maureen said.

Tough road

Despite the times they questioned God, the couple found their faith and their relationship sustained them.

"You have to have faith in God and hope it works out in the long run," Bill said. "No matter how long it takes, it's worth it."

(09-02-99) [[In-content Ad]]