Couple introduces engaged to reality of marriage

Irv and Beth Bunce of Frankfort are committed to the Sacrament of Matrimony. Twenty years of marriage is proof of that.

Their experience is being shared with newlyweds-to-be through their role as coordinators of a pre-Cana ministry at Our Lady Queen of Apostles parish in Frankfort. Five years ago when their pastor, Rev. John Yanas, asked them to help out, Mr. Bunce said they were somewhat uncertain about accepting.

"We had some apprehension," he admitted. But once they learned more about how to minister to the couples that come to them, they really began to enjoy the ministry.

Time to share

Even though they see an engaged couple only once, the Bunces feel that the time they share with them gives the couple a sense of how a healthy marriage works.

"We invite them into our home and sit with them at the kitchen table over coffee, talk to them, and have them talk to us about the marriage relationship," Mrs. Bunce explained. "Our marriage isn't perfect, and we don't portray it as such. One of the things we talk about is the necessity of communicating with each other during the good times as well as during the bad.

"Irv's mother lives with us, and we have an 11-year old son, so our home atmosphere is relatively normal. When the couples visit us, we try to make them as comfortable as possible."

At ease

Some couples seem a bit nervous when they arrive at the Bunces for their visit.

"First and foremost, we assure them that everything said at our meeting is in confidence and never leaves that table," said Mrs. Bunce.

Over the years, the Bunces have devised a series of questions for engaged couples that relate to married life, including ones about relationship, sexuality, budgeting, goals and the "all-important" communication issues.

"We feel it is important that they be aware of what life as a couple can be like," Mrs. Bunce noted.

"We aren't [marriage] counselors," her husband added. "What we try to do is mainly be available for their questions or concerns. Marriage is a big commitment. We want to make sure that the couple knows this. Most couples are already aware of the responsibility involved in marriage and the level of commitment it takes to make a long-term relationship work."

Changing times

The Bunces said that it seems to them that people marrying today are somewhat older than they were when they wed, and that couples today seem to be a little wiser to the ups and downs of marriage and life in general.

"Sometimes, we meet couples from different faith experiences that are planning to marry," Mr. Bunce said. "Since we have several family members who have had that experience, we use them as examples of how they have dealt with the issues that the engaged couple has concerns about. Sometimes, those issues can be sensitive."

"I do this ministry because it reminds me of why I got married in the first place," Mrs. Bunce noted.

"We like helping out in our parish, and being part of pre-Cana allows us do that. Hopefully, it is all worthwhile," Mr. Bunce said.

(11/18/04)