Counselors see ways to overcome misuses of money

The Evangelist asked two diocesan therapists why people have such a complicated relationship with money -- and found that the reasons can be as varied as the people themselves.

OVERSPENDING

Overspending can also be sparked by a person's desire to give the image that they're in a higher financial bracket than they really are, she said. These people spend "out of fantasy. It's a denial of their present state. It allows people to be `in the world I wish I could have been in.'"

Societal guilt sparks some overspending, Sister Anne added: "We've done a good job making people think they have to or should" spend beyond their means to have certain possessions. She listed toys, computers, video games and gambling as major money-drainers.

Rev. John Malecki, Ph.D., staff psychologist at the diocesan Consultation Center, believes that people "get caught up in the obsession of affluence. People think that once they get a bigger house or a bigger car, they're going to be satisfied."

For a moment, he continued, people may even feel that satisfaction. But soon, "they discover the emptiness of it." He quoted a song once made popular by Peggy Lee: "She got this, she got that -- is that all there is?"

Father Malecki also cited a news story that made headlines not long ago: Dr. Susan Johnson, a well-off Toronto physician, drove her new Mercedes SUV to a subway station and, with her newborn child, stepped in front of the train. Both were killed.

"They're going to call it postpartum depression," the therapist noted. He stated that God must be a part of people's lives for them to escape the obsession of affluence.

"Nobody asked the question, `What about her faith?'" he challenged. "If you don't touch the transcendent, you get caught up in the new Mercedes, the upscale. When you leave out the transcendent, you don't cope."

HEALTHY SPENDING

A budget should include not just the "have-to's," but allow a little freedom for "extras," she said -- for example, a trip to McDonald's for dinner twice a month. The important thing is "setting goals and staying with them."

However, she added, "People who overspend should not use credit cards."

Father Malecki noted that people who have a good connection to faith, family and friends are less likely to overspend. Since they have other connections, he explained, they won't "search for satisfaction in the material."

For those who do overspend, he said, breaking the habit is a matter of "awareness and choice" not to continue. If the overspending has become an addiction, counseling can help.

GIVING TOO MUCH

Some people feel guilty about not giving enough to charity "as a cover-up way of resenting the responsibility to be appropriately generous," Father Malecki reflected.

So-called "Catholic guilt," he said, may be covering "their inner resentment that they're called to be generous. They say, `I feel guilty I didn't give enough,' when they're really furious that they have to give at all."

Sister Anne spoke about people -- often the elderly -- who feel compelled to give to every charity that asks of them. "They think they have to save all the starving children," she said.

If someone's spending gets out of hand in this area, she said, "The budget gets off base. People on fixed budgets have to watch their money more than anybody."

Sister Anne advises patients who have this dilemma not to stop giving, but to give within their means. If $5 twice a year is all a person can afford, she said, they should stick to that limit; that way, giving can become "a life choice and a lifestyle for them."

Father Malecki added that each person must look at their own circumstances to know whether and how much to give. "Face responsibility for the choice, rather than acting out of guilt," he stated. "The Bible says, `Be a cheerful giver!'"

(The Counseling for Laity office can be reached at 453-6625. Call the Consultation Center at 489-4431.)

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