Counselors chart reactions: Tears, silence, fear, faith

"People are saying, `I just need to talk for a few minutes: How can I help my child understand this?'" said Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, CSJ, director of the Counseling for Laity Office. "We've also had a few calls from people who know people who've been killed."

Counseling for Laity and the diocesan Consultation Center, which also provides counseling services, have found themselves reassuring people that their varied responses to the crisis are most likely normal.

Reactions

One common reaction, she said, is helplessness: People feel they "own" the crisis but can't do anything about it. Sister Anne called this a time for reorganizing priorities.

"People are saying, `Now I know what's important to me,'" she said. For example, at a support group her office holds for strengthening relationships, Sister Anne said one woman came with her fiance, having been in New York City during the disaster. The woman's fiance told the group, "You think I don't know what's important right now?"

Priorities

"People are reorganizing their priorities," said Father Malecki. "It's right before your eyes."

Another way people are reacting to the tragedy is with increased emotion. "People are crying when they hear `God Bless America' these days," said Sister Anne. "They don't know why they're crying."

She advised those who feel that way not to suppress their tears, since doing so can cause stomach and heart problems.

Father Malecki went further: "Lean into it," he said of anxiety and tears. "You will discover the human person has a great capacity for healing and self-organization."

Shutting down

"That's all normal," Sister Anne said. "We're going through a lot of things we don't even understand. We feel guilty for watching it and feel guilty for not watching it."

Father Malecki called this reaction a type of "survivor guilt." He said, "Your body is guiding you to how much to watch. You don't want to get on overload."

Taking care

She noted that even if someone chooses to watch a video for a while, they'll probably feel compelled to turn back to the news afterward -- and the news will still be there.

Even counselors themselves need breaks from dealing with the trauma. Sister Anne said that her staff gathers at the end of the day to process what they've gone through. She recalled speaking to one woman who only survived the World Trade Center collapse because she happened to be late for work there for the first time ever.

"Some of the stories we're hearing....The tears just come with the people, and that's okay," the counselor said.

God's help

"It's been interesting to hear people talk about their faith," said Sister Anne. "It blows my mind that we can't mention God in schools, but we've done nothing but pray this whole time."

"Simply to say, `Cry,' is very inadequate," Father Malecki added. Instead, "know that God has endowed you with a capacity for self-healing, and a belief in a higher power helps that."

While many people make a distinction between spirituality and religion, Father Malecki believes that religion can support one's spiritual beliefs at a time like this: People can feel better having attended prayer services or received the sacraments.

Chaos

"Americans act as if we should have the American dream unbroken and no one should ever rain on our parade," he stated. "Well, every spiritual leader has said life is difficult."

While he cautioned that he's not espousing tragedy, Father Malecki believes that such chaos can actually lead to some good. He used the example of St. Francis of Assisi, who obeyed the voice of God telling him to rebuild a ruined church and eventually founded the Franciscan religious order.

"Christ was saying, `Something is broken down. Help rebuild it,'" Father Malecki explained.

Back to routine

"We've got to try to get life back to a little bit of normality -- not pretend this didn't happen. We're not going to forget this," she said. But by fulfilling everyday roles, "you feed yourself, so you can help the people."

As the nation and the world recover from shock at the magnitude of the Sept. 11 attacks, Sister Anne warned not to think the worst emotional trauma is over. She believes that more people will develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress, stomach and heart problems, and shortness of breath as the result of the trauma as time goes on.

"I think a month from now, we're going to see people not knowing what to do," she said. "Even though we've glued ourselves to the television set, there are realities that haven't hit us yet."

(Both offices said their services are available to anyone in need and encouraged those struggling with their feelings to call. Contact the Counseling for Laity Office at 453-6625 or the Consultation Center at 489-4431.)

(09-27-01) [[In-content Ad]]