Cosby lives public grief

I wouldn't wish the January week Bill Cosby had on anyone; but if it had to happen, maybe it's good it happened to him. In the face of his travails, the way he has handled himself has certainly provided a positive example.

Although I have known grief, I've never lost a child in any way. So I can't imagine what it's like to get a phone call announcing that my son has been murdered. I suspect I would not appear in public at all, much less telephone Dan Rather to give an interview, return to taping a weekly TV show and fly to Florida for a sold-out comedy concert.

But Cosby chose not to become an eternal recluse and professional mourner. Instead, he spoke openly and movingly of his feelings for his son, Ennis, and then went on with his life, which is making people laugh. I do know that laughter is a great healer, even in the middle of sorrow. When my parents died, my brother and sisters laughed a lot at our memories of them. Cosby probably knows better than most how much a good laugh can do for those who weep.

Woe upon woe

On top of his son's death, Cosby had to cope with revealing his adultery. He took responsibility for his long-ago actions (although he used the euphemism "rendezvous," a delicacy not worthy of his honesty) and once again said he was going to go on with his life.

How his fans will react to his confession remains to be seen. Cosby's image has always been as a devoted husband and loving father. The latter has been affirmed by his words about Ennis. The former may be affirmed by his wife's telling us that they have worked out the problem and that that chapter is closed in their lives.

"I failed" are the two words least spoken by public figures, who often prefer quick denials, counter-accusations or the ever-popular, passively phrased "mistakes were made," used most recently by President Clinton. Cosby's willingness to say what he had done is startling in a world driven by cover-up publicity and false faces.

Misconduct

An admission of sexual misconduct is also amazing in show business, which more frequently celebrates adultery and fornication, not only in the content of programs and movies, but also in the personal lives of actors. We all know the names of people in the entertainment world who have built their reputations on sexual dysfunction and who get applauded for being what used to be called pigs.

Throughout his career, Cosby has been breaking through barriers and doing unexpected things, such as becoming one of the first African-Americans to have a TV series and to endorse products in commercials, establishing himself as an authority on family life and parenting (even going to the trouble of earning a doctorate in education), and quietly giving away millions of dollars to help those in need of a hand up.

His latest break-through may be in showing people how to mourn a loved one without becoming a basket case, how to deal with injustice without growing so angry you are immobilized, how to admit your mistakes, and how to face adversity without hating God.

If he can do those things, his latest contribution to American society will far outdistance anything he has done up to now.

(02-20-97)

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