Comedy quartet is laugh-free

Before the 1998-'99 TV season began, everyone -- critics, producers, network honchos and sponsors -- predicted that it would be one of the worst new seasons in history. The series, they said, are almost uniformly bad.

The evidence is now starting to come in that those people knew what they were talking about. Take as examples the four comedies that debuted recently on Monday night. And when you take them, take them very far away.

Bloom-ing failure

The show centers on a male advertising copywriter (see "Bosom Buddies") whose life is complicated by women, including his boss, co-worker, ditzy sister (an Uma Thurman clone), mother and girl friend. It is also complicated by coarse material. Within the first nine minutes of the debut episode, the show spewed out three jokes about female breasts, one about drug addiction, another about alcohol abuse and a reference to impotence.

BY the time the show ended, Conrad was in bed with a woman he had just met. All of this is done, by the way, without any scintilla of wit.

He's no card

Trying to lead a quiet life with his big-screen TV and football-viewing buddies, the main character is beset by move-in relatives, including his wife's ditzy sister. Another is his father-in-law, played at the top of his voice by Jerry Stiller, who has simply transplanted his role as George's father from "Seinfeld" -- and added marijuana and hooker jokes.

The premiere episode also had the bad taste to do jokes about having sex with Hillary Clinton. This was on the day President Clinton's taped testimony before the grand jury was shown around the world.

Stereotypes

Not content to drape horrendous clothes and ratty hair on Kirstie Alley on "Veronica's Closet," NBC has given the same make-over to Grace. She looks like the sole heir to the Harpo Marx estate.

The level of humor on this show is typified by the following bon mot, tossed at Will by Grace when she suspects him of duplicity: "Lying man talking." This feeble play on words refers to a movie that is years old; the rhythm is all wrong; and it makes no sense. Otherwise, ha ha.

Say again?

Anyway, when the pretend Brian is fired (by a look- and sound-alike for the conniving agent on "Frasier"), he has to make do in a secondary reporter role while trying to claw his way back to the top over his all-teeth, all-hair, no-brain replacement (played by an actor who looks precisely like a Jim Carrey impression of a handsome hunk).

During these shows, which totaled two hours of my life ("totaled" in the same sense as "my car was totaled"), I laughed out loud this many times: once. I won't tell you which show produced the laugh. It might encourage you to watch it.

(10-01-98)

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