College program turning out bereavement specialists

Five years ago, Maria College in Albany hired Sister Jean Roche, RSM, a 17-year veteran of Hospice work, and counselor Eileen Clinton to develop a Bereavement Studies program.

Within two days, the New York State Department of Education approved the effort, a demonstration of how urgent the need was to train experts in grieving.

"The program empowers students to accompany others through the grief process," said Sister Jean, who is also Maria's campus minister.

Various students

The classes deal with normal grief, which counts for 80 percent of all cases, according to Sister Jean. Situations involving multiple losses, violence, trauma, mental illness and addiction are the realm of professional psychologists and therapists.

Those who take the courses include nurses who use their skills to assist grieving family members of sick, terminally ill or accident-afflicted patients in hospitals; social workers; physical therapists; teachers; and police officers. Clergy, funeral directors, police officers, chaplains and volunteers also find the courses useful.

In the past half-decade, 800 students have taken at least one bereavement class, with 60 people earning the full certificate.

Studies

The students learn listening and basic counseling skills, and practice clarifying questions. They learn about spiritual practices for healing, including ritual and prayer.

They also learn about the positive effects that painting, music and drama can have in helping grieving people come to terms with their own feelings.

In addition to typical classroom activities, students are required to reflect on how the program is affecting their own ideas about grief, death and loss.

"That is imperative," said Sister Jean. "If we haven't resolved our own issues, we won't be comfortable with others' tears [and] rage."

Listening

To a grieving person, a counselor "should say very little -- and listen to their story," said Sister Jean. "Ask, 'How are you doing?' and validate their feelings. Don't teach, preach or reassure. When people are grieving, they are sharing their feelings. They are who they are. This is natural, healthy -- and part of the grieving process."

Trained grief counselors are more comfortable with tears, Sister Jean explained. They "know how to handle the sadness and rage, and know not to take it personally. When you're facing death, the mask comes off."

The program also teaches students that many common ideas about grief -- keeping a stiff upper lip, "staying strong" and saying, "you're looking good" -- actually stifle the natural grief process.

"Tears are a release -- a silent prayer to God," she said.

Losses

When they head into the community to work, students will deal with more than physical loss, Sister Jean noted.

"We live in an era of unprecedented change," she said. "Inherent in all these transitions -- in Church, politics, health care -- is that there are issues of grief and loss, even if you're making a change for the positive."

On 9/11, she added, grieving occurred in all forms: the loss not only of lives but also of physical buildings, security, trust and the status quo.

There's also grief found in losses society doesn't always validate, she said: the death of a pet, dealing with a disability, the loss of faith, the eroding of self-esteem, the end of a relationship through divorce. Parents who watch their adult children to go to war in Iraq have experienced a great sense of loss as well.

Off to work

Many Maria graduates who elected to take the certificate now work in places like a local AIDS clinic, where the grief process is protracted. Some are hired by area hospices, and three were employed by local funeral homes to conduct on-going bereavement follow-up for customers.

Others work in prisons, with teens or with people who have lost their jobs, or they conduct support groups for parents who have lost a child.

(The 15-credit Certification in Bereavement Studies can be taken in conjunction with Maria College's nursing, therapy or social work programs, or on a class-by-class basis by professionals who want instruction in a particular aspect of grief counseling. For more information, call 438-3111.)