April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
REFLECTION
Chasing grades
Chasing grades
Away from home as a college freshman, I messed up academically. It took the following three years to undo the damage to my grade point average (GPA).
When I went to grad school, I resolved with unwavering determination to get a 4.0. There were a variety of activities to explore on and off campus, and I witnessed other grad students managing a healthy balance between studying and pursuing new interests.
Being of average intelligence, in order to achieve my goal, I studied constantly. With blinders on, I chased the A. When I graduated, I had my "perfect" transcript.
Don't get me wrong: Grades are important. I know this from experience with our four sons, who are now, as young professionals, realizing the benefits of graduating from college.
But some kids are motivated by excelling academically and some are not. Grades might get you into a better college, but knowing who you are and what you are naturally gifted to do has lifelong benefits. This can only be discovered by spending time doing things that inherently interest you.
Undoubtedly, parents need to set up guidelines and reasonable expectations for academic achievement. Yet, over the years, I've been approached by many frustrated moms and dads who fell into the same trap I did and stressed over less-than-stellar report cards. I always suggest they climb out as soon as possible.
I hovered over our oldest son's academic performance under the guise of "a conscientious parent." In a nutshell, I wanted him to chase the A, while he wanted to develop his many interests.
In an effort to persuade him, I'd repeat the open-house speech his well-meaning principal gave annually about grades being contingent on 10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work. Can you picture it?
Our boys played a lot of sports and were often team captains. Unlike their mom, they were blessed with natural athleticism. I marveled at our third son who, as goalie for the varsity soccer team, instilled confidence in his teammates while playing his position with patience and grace.
He'd move into the path of the opposing team's ball and direct it away from the goal line. He had a unique perspective, because he could see the entire field.
After a few years of flubbing, I learned to play "goalie" with our boys' education. I knew the importance, so I guided the field strategy while defending the goal.
While raising our sons, I limited TV and computer games as much as I could. I was fascinated with their curiosity, creativity and ability to entertain themselves. My intention was to raise them in concert with their natural predispositions instead of trying to mold them into mine or those of the media.
So why did I fall into the "A-chasing trap?"
This morning, the bus came right on time. Watching with regret as students climbed aboard, I shared this memory with my husband, who knows how to handle the past with a touch of humor.
Smiling, he lifted his mug and said, "We'll get it right in our next life."
(Mrs. Bonanno is a parishioner of St. Mary's Church in Albany; she can be reached at [email protected].)[[In-content Ad]]
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