Catholic singles try to look in all the right places

"Most of the time, [the search] is not too frustrating. But, every once in a while, it starts to get a little discouraging," said Martin Williams, 30, a parishioner of St. Mary's Church in Clinton Heights.

Like many other young adults, he is looking for other Catholic young people with whom to share faith, friendship and maybe the rest of his life.

And, like others, he's finding the search difficult. "I haven't had much success," he admitted.

Search in on

Young adults don't always feel that opportunities are out there to meet other people who share their Catholic priorities. They don't always see other young adults at Mass; and time restraints, career requirements and full to-do lists make it difficult for them to invest heavy effort in the search.

Other problems abound: Locals who grew up in the Albany Diocese often find that members of their childhood youth group are scattered across a number of states, while folks new to the area can feel overwhelmed and alone.

But, said David Amico, assistant director of the diocesan Office for Evangelization and Catechesis, and coordinator of young adult activities for the Diocese, other young adults are out there.

Faithful friend

For Mr. Williams and others, a common Christianity is as crucial a prerequisite in a future spouse as a good sense of humor.

Many young adults also see a common religious background as a foundation on which a common understanding between two people -- or a set of friends -- can be established. For others, it's that shared Christian worldview that is the basis of family life.

"If, indeed, something progresses to marriage, I would like to have my kids raised Catholic," said Mr. Williams. "And also, [my spouse] would have someone to go to Mass with, to participate in the faith with."

Sean Maguire, 26, is currently dating seriously. His girlfriend, while not Catholic, is a Christian -- and, for Mr. Maguire, a parishioner of Christ the King parish in Westmere -- that is important.

"I realized religious differences were going to be hard to work out," he noted, saying that he ran into friction with a former girlfriend who didn't feel comfortable with a Nativity set he displayed in his apartment. "Eventually, when it comes to a family, I want to raise my family in the Catholic Church because it was good to me -- the experience, the values and the community."

Matching set

Rob Ward, 27, met his wife through Catholic-based activities. While working for the Catholic HEART Workcamp, an organization that brings in teen and college-age youth groups to do community-service projects in towns across the country, he started talking with his future wife, Carmen, who was there with a group from the University of Steubenville.

He had been finding it "tough" to meet others, especially "after college, when [Mass] attendance drops off. There's really not a lot out there. Attending church is helpful," said Mr. Ward, who is a member of Christ the King's young adult group.

He wanted his relationships to center around the Church because he felt they would be "built more upon commitments and general beliefs, as opposed to being purely physical or purely social."

On-line resources

Many area young adults have turned to the internet. Dozens of Catholic-oriented dating sites, with access both free and at cost, tantalize young adults with the prospect of immediate connection to other local Catholics. On one such site:

* Albany resident Marie said that she finds it "very difficult to connect with people who share the faith."

* Clifton Park resident Dan, 25, is into theology, the outdoors, and sports -- but can't find the right girl who fits his criteria: "devoted to her faith, family, and friends."

* Meredith, 25, said that it was "divine intervention" that she found the site and noted that she believes "God gives each of us a purpose. I pray each day that I am on the path to accomplishing my purpose, and I am looking for someone with a beautiful soul and an intelligent mind to walk that path with me."

Connections

Mr. Williams said he's had more luck finding friends through the sites than possible relationships. But, as he has also discovered, there are plenty of places in the Albany Diocese where young adults can go to find face-to-face, real-time contact with their peers.

For example, many parishes have active young adult groups. St. Clement's Church in Saratoga Springs recently formed one, and young adult members of Christ the King parish regularly meet for socials and service projects. The young adult group at St. Vincent de Paul parish in Albany advertises in the bulletin to attract members.

Those young adult groups host Bible studies, attend Mass together, do service in soup kitchens, and host karaoke nights and apple-picking trips.

To meet other young adult Catholics, Mr. Maguire advocates getting involved in parish life. Upon joining Christ the King, he became a lector, Eucharistic minister and Knight of Columbus, all activities which helped to introduce him to the young adult group he participates in.

Theology on Tap

More than 40 young adults attended the last Theology on Tap event at The Orchard tavern in Albany. They packed the back room to hear talks on social justice, fasting and prayer -- and to stick around afterwards and get to know some of the other young adults who attended.

Theology on Tap sessions, sponsored by the OEC, will resume in September.

Mr. Williams and a number of other young adults from the Diocese also went on a retreat hosted by the Paulists last weekend in Lake George. Others attended the Summer Singles Weekend at the Pyramid Life Center in Paradox last weekend for outdoor activities and spirituality.

In addition to these, Mr. Amico noted that the diocesan Young Adult Core Team is putting together a number of service projects and social events that will be announced on the Albany Diocese's website (www.rcda.org) when plans are finalized.

"Don't be discouraged" about meeting friends and potential spouses, Mr. Williams said. "Stay hopeful. Every once in a while, it gets a little discouraging, but I try not to dwell too much on it. If it's God's will, eventually I will find someone."

(For the parish-based young adult groups, call St. Clement's Church at 584-2644; Christ the King, 456-1644; St. Vincent de Paul, 489-5474. For more about Theology on Tap, go to www.rcda.org/OECYoungAdults.htm or call David Amico at 453-6630. For information on the Singles Group, go to www.rcda.org/FLSingles.htm.)

(6/24/04)