Catholic Charities program heals wounds of abuse

A four-year-old boy once told Rachel Gartner that he didn't intend to grow up.

"Why not?" asked the program director for the Warren and Washington County Domestic Violence Project.

"Because," he responded, "I don't want to have to get married. I don't want to be a dad, because dads hit moms."

He was one of hundreds of children who grow up within the boundaries of the Albany Diocese thinking "this is the way adults act in relationships," Ms. Gartner told The Evangelist. But the Domestic Violence Project (DVP), a Catholic Charities program operating for the past 10 years, hopes to change that.

Safe place

The DVP has four nine-bed "safe dwellings" within the Albany Diocese, in Warren/Washington, Schoharie, Herkimer and Montgomery Counties. Their services include residential and non-residential programs; 24-hour crisis hotlines; individual, group and children's counseling; advocacy with legal, medical, employment and educational concerns; and a recreation program for children, called KidRec.

The Warren/Washington County DVP, located in Glens Falls, serves more than 400 women each year; about 70 families are housed in its safe dwelling annually. At its present rate, the safe dwelling is operating at about 74 percent occupancy.

The occupants are women like 21-year-old "Sarah" (not her real name), who came into the safe dwelling with two toddlers, already pregnant with her third child. Her husband kept her pregnant to force dependence on him and denied her prenatal care. Her second child had been born at home because he refused to believe she was in labor. Sarah was seven months into her third pregnancy and had never seen a doctor when she arrived at the safe dwelling.

Why stay?

Hearing such a story, many people wonder why a project like the DVP is a necessity; why women in abusive situations do not simply leave their abusers.

"People think of one incidence of domestic violence, and then the relationship is over," Ms. Gartner said. "But most people don't want the relationship to end; they just want the violence to stop. The person is very apologetic, promises it will never happen again, threatens to hurt them if they leave. That's a compelling reason to stay in the relationship."

But those who choose to leave find help at the DVP. Four full-time employees, one part-timer and 30 volunteers provide the free services, including liaisons to help abuse victims navigate the court system. The bulk of the DVP's work is individual counseling, helping women to regain their self-esteem and rebuild their lives.

Children in focus

Children are never forgotten in helping families to recover from domestic violence. Although it is not required under state regulations, the DVP holds separate support groups for children ages four to six, seven to nine and ten to 12, to "help them cope with the effect of living in homes where there is violence."

"Kids are affected in so many ways," Ms. Gartner said. They are often "caught in the crossfire": A baby held by a mother who is being abused is hit or dropped; children are hurt as they jump in to stop the violence between their parents. Many children become "school-phobic," and have conflicting feelings about parents they are terrified of, but love.

KidRec, the DVP play group, gives children who have lived under such extreme stress a chance to "just have fun and be around caring adults," said Ms. Gartner.

Adult role models

While the children play at playgrounds, watch movies, work on crafts or play games at a nearby church's gym, they develop positive role models in the adult volunteers who run the program.

"We've had a lot of success in recruiting volunteers from parishes," Ms. Gartner said. "We've done programs at parishes. They've held `baby showers' and `house showers' for us."

Churches have also provided rooms for DVP staff to see clients who need a neutral meeting place.

Volunteers have also helped with the "prevention" aspect of the DVP's work. Doctors who saw women with black eyes and finger marks on their necks once accepted the explanation that "I bumped into something."

In "respecting their privacy," Ms. Gartner explained, doctors almost sanctioned the behavior of the abuser. Today, the DVP trains medical providers in how to talk to possible victims of domestic violence and how to provide resources for them to escape the abuse.

School work

Since those who experience domestic violence at home have "no reason to expect it's not going to happen" in teenage dating relationships, the DVP also works in schools to teach violence prevention to students.

This year, the DVP also began to collaborate with Child Protective Services, developing teams to work on cases together. So far, the results have been positive, and Ms. Gartner hopes that the local work becomes a model for collaboration on a larger scale.

"If we're not working together, we're not helping these families," she said.

Successful

The DVP has seen many success stories:

* "Ellen," who came into the safe dwelling about five years ago after many years of abuse, took advantage of the shelter, counseling and support groups, and changed her life. When she got into a new relationship recently, she came back to a support group for "women in transition" (those past the crisis stage), to deal with "old feelings" that came up from her previous relationship. "She saw how far she had come," Ms. Gartner said.

* "Kathy," a mother of five, who left her abuser when he began to sexually abuse two of their children as well, often a turning point in relationships involving domestic violence. After time in the safe dwelling and counseling, she found a new home, a job and the ability to deal with her problems -- including the fact that her husband has petitioned for custody of the children. "She's able to cope with things that come up," Ms. Gartner said. "She set up visitations in a way that's safe for the kids."

(08-08-96)

(To contact the Domestic Violence Project in Warren/Washington County, call 793-9496. In Herkimer County, call 315-866-0458. In Montgomery County, call 842-3384. In Schoharie County, call 234-2231.) [[In-content Ad]]