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The "birds and the bees talk" has always been uncomfortable for parents to give and painful for teens to hear. An invisible wall of awkwardness exists between adults and adolescents when it comes to discussing human sexuality and sex itself.

Even today, when sex has become so prevalent a topic in public life, Christian parents and teachers are left wondering how to approach teens on the truth of sexuality and the role of their faith.

Despite the challenges, some catechists have found ways to breach the invisible wall. These include teaching teens that sex is a gift, countering false notions of Church negativity, acknowledging the damage done to youth by a sexualized culture and, most of all, listening to young Catholics.

What works best, said Doreen Wright, coordinator of faith formation at St. Luke's parish in Schenectady, is "standing true to the Word [of God].

"Let's talk about real-life situations they have to deal with and tie in their Catholicism to each," she continued. "Instead of saying, 'This is wrong,' and 'This is wrong,' we have to say the 'why.' We have to show them that their bodies are something to be respected."

The Church's teaching on human sexuality and the sexual act is often misunderstood as negative and punitive. The Church's response to sex, however, is not simply "Don't do it."

Instead, as Pope John Paul II stated in his apostolic exhortation on the role of the Christian family, "Familiaris Consortio," given its true meaning and commitment, sexual intercourse can only be done truthfully within the bonds of marriage.

Love manifest
Sex is the physical expression of the total self-gift of one man and woman to one another given in the marital vows, states the "Catechism of the Catholic Church." The primary motive of sex is not pleasure, nor is it procreation, although those are both inextricable pieces to complete the puzzle.

The primary motive is the physical expression of the love God has given to the spouses and their complete offering of themselves to another. It is in short, a monumental act of love and sacrifice.

The Church emphatically does not say that sex is wrong. Nevertheless, Church teaching conflicts with the culture that surrounds teens today.

"They think that Church teaching on sex is all just a bunch of rules and that chastity is a repressive lifestyle, when really it is the freedom of an invitation from the Lord to see that they are created in the image and likeness of God," said Brian Butler, co-author of the popular guide, "Theology of the Body for Teens."

The guide is based on Pope John Paul II's "theology of the body," a series of teachings in the late 1970s and early 1980s on human love and the divine plan.

Mr. Butler explained that "teens really need to know why the Church teaches what she does and that they were not created for the act of sex, but that they were created for love."

Mary Moller, who teaches theology of the body to youth at St. Luke's parish, agreed.

"Instead of just saying, 'It's wrong; it's wrong,' we need to be telling them why," she said. "They need to know their bodies are to be respected. Being honest is the easiest way; being open and providing them a safe environment to talk about it is key."

Redirected hearts
Mrs. Moller lectures and shows videos on theology of the body, but also gives the students time for discussion.

"I let them lead the direction of the discussion. They have a lot of questions and misconceptions about sex," she said. "They think it's okay to have multiple partners, that they won't get pregnant and that they don't have to worry about STDs. They also see the divorce rate in America and the infidelity [covered] in the media and want to talk about that."

She added that, even if youth don't completely agree with the Church or still have questions, the best way to reach out to them is through making it "real, honest and relevant."

Michelle Schwenzfeier is prevention program director for Community Maternity Services, a Catholic Charities agency that works with young women and single mothers. She said that the media, though it has desensitized adolescents, is useful in getting teens to spot false notions about sex and sexuality.

"They don't see it or think about it any further. But we can use this as a tool by asking them, 'What are you looking at here and what are they trying to sell?" she said. "The media doesn't give us a chance to moderate what it's teaching, so we have to make our teens really look."

However, she said, the most important point is to make sure that teens understand the right context for sex.

"I tell them that it is a gift that must be given to another at an appropriate time," said Mrs. Schwenzfeier. "In the same way you wouldn't give a five year-old car keys, you wouldn't give away this gift too early."

Can Catholic doctrine prevail in a world so heavily influenced by sex and a culture eager to share a diminished view of sex?

"Absolutely," said Mr. Butler. "The Church's teaching is attractive when taught authentically."

Youth "can look into their hearts and see what the truth is," he said. "That vision of real love and real life is more authentic than what the world can throw together."

The work of catechists in today's Church on the topic of sexuality reminds teens that this gift is not something to be ashamed of, used for fun or shared easily, but rather treasured and saved to be what it was intended to be: an act of self-giving love.

"Working for a culture of authentic love and life is hard work," said Mr. Butler. "It's a relationship with these teens who are broken and have experienced pain. We need to live out what we teach to be incarnate truth for them, to walk with them, to answer the hard questions and to be with them even when they mess up.

"We need to tell them that hope, healing, true change and real love and life are worth fighting for." (Click here for a story on the temptation of pornography)

(10/07/10) [[In-content Ad]]

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