Caregivers give their all when loved ones are ailing

Caregivers sacrifice themselves to provide for loved ones who are suffering from injuries or illness, as the example of two women from Our Lady of the Annunciation parish in Queensbury demonstrates:

* Joyce Bodak, 72, has been married to Don for 47 years. The past eight have been spent caring for him after a car accident; and

* Jo Coletti committed herself to taking care of a friend who had Parkinson's disease.

Accident

The Bodaks' car accident left Don with life-threatening injuries. As a result, his pre-existing diabetic condition worsened.

"The doctors thought that, if he lived, he would not be able to move at all," Mrs. Bodak said. "But he was determined to get better."

Her husband's determination won out: He was able to walk out of the hospital several months later. While he manages to walk short distances with two canes, he has limited mobility.

Daily care

Mrs. Bodak said that caring for her husband, day in and day out, has not been easy.

"When this happened, I was working full time for an insurance company," she said. "For a while, he had home-care aides and nurses."

Eventually, however, the coverage for such care reached its limit, and the couple found themselves on their own. Mrs. Bodak retired and began devoting herself to the care of her husband.

What it takes

"It's a very physical job to care for Don," Mrs. Bodak said. "Sometimes, he needs several changes of clothing a day. I prepare all the meals and snacks for him, and go to all his appointments with him."

Additionally, she is responsible for all the house cleaning and maintenance, "whatever I can physically manage, that is," she noted. "When jobs around the house arise that we can't do, we call someone for help, and people have been very supportive and kind."

Together

After so many years, Mrs. Bodak remains cheerful and has a positive attitude about caring for her husband.

"Don does what he can," she noted. "In no way would I ever consider any other care plan for him, at least right now. I do what I can every day.

Mr. Bodak praised his wife, saying: "Joyce adapted quickly from being a wife to being a full-time caregiver. She is my silent heroine."

Responsibility

In 1981, Jo Coletti buried her husband of 32 years in Queens. Because they had vacationed near Lake George for many years, when she decided to retire from her career in nursing, she relocated to the Adirondacks.

She joined Annunciation parish in Queensbury and the local chapter of AARP, and became friends with Bill Kasold, who supported her recovery from two knee replacements.

In 1998, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. As his disease progressed, their roles switched: She became his caregiver.

'Best friend'

For seven years, Ms. Coletti, who is now 83, completely supported Mr. Kasold with 'round-the-clock nursing care -- and a friendship that she said deepened over time.

"Bill was my best friend, my soulmate," she said. "His disease was devastating to both of us. As it progressed, he literally became a prisoner in his own body.

"Bill was determined that he be allowed to do whatever he could for as long as he was able. We decided that we would do this together. I was willing to care for him because we wanted to have that quality life with each other."

Caregiving

But Ms. Coletti knew from her professional experience that she needed time away, so she contacted the Caregivers group run by Catholic Charities in Warren County.

It provides weekly or daily respite time. Ms. Coletti was given 21 hours a week of free time.

"This was time for me to do whatever I wanted away from home and caring for Bill," she explained. "This agency has nursing aides to come to the home and care for the loved one while their caregiver is away. I don't know what I would have done without them."

More caring

As Bill was being cared for, Ms. Coletti learned that her 54-year-old son was dying of cancer.

"Before he entered hospice, my daughter-in-law was caring for him," she said. "I knew what she was going through; so, when I had those 'free-time' segments, I'd drive over to their house, put my son in the car and bring him back. The time away was good for him and gave us time to share together.

"It allowed us to maintain some form of family relationship while giving my daughter-in-law a much needed break. When I recall those days now, I realize that some of the best times I had with my son and Bill were during those visits."

Balanced life

Ms. Coletti believes that "caregivers must maintain a balance in their lives. There must be a way for the caregiver to hang on to the 'self.' It's very easy to get lost because, over time, a caregiver can feel trapped.

"Because of the help I had, we managed to make the best out of our situation. Bill had a quality life right up until the day he passed away" in January.

"Being a caregiver is not easy," she added. "Often, it is very difficult. Where love is involved, however, you do what you have to do; you don't mind at all."

(Catholic Charities Caregiver Support Services, which is marking its 20th anniversary, recently honored Jo Coletti for being "an example of compassion and grace under pressure." For information on Caregiver Support Services, call Catholic Charities at 453-6650.)

(5/24/07) [[In-content Ad]]