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It was the title of a retreat held in June at Carondelet Hospitality Center in Latham that caught my attention: "Spirituality, Pastoral Care and the Happy Death."

This day of spiritual renewal was led by Rev. Charles Bouchard, OP, senior director of theology and ethics at the Catholic Health Association.

Throughout my life, I've tried to immerse myself in a journey of spirituality. In recent years, I've been engaged in pastoral care ministry to the sick, elderly and dying. But, truth be told, I've pretty much avoided addressing the topic of my own death and dying!

I was curious about what Father Bouchard might have to say about a "happy death," so my wife and I attended the retreat. I'm glad we did, because I found some answers and insight.

Father Bouchard addressed important questions like what role a dying patient should have in determining the medical treatment he or she will receive. He spoke of the guidelines the Church offers to caregivers, family members and pastoral care ministers who attend to the needs of the dying. He shared strategies for setting up advance medical directives that enable people to clarify their healthcare wishes when faced with serious illness.

I found all of Father Bouchard's points enlightening, but I wondered when he'd address the "happy death" topic. Then he asked us to ponder a question: "How do we prepare for a spiritual death?"

Many participants offered insightful answers on

•  the need to attend to unfinished business, including seeking and offering forgiveness in fractured relationships;

•  the importance of staying as fully engaged as possible in the important aspects of our lives, cultivating gratitude for God's gifts;

•  the freedom gained in letting go of non-essential "stuff," both material and spiritual; and

•  continuously seeking out support and guidance from others, including the saints.

I thought to myself, "OK. I can begin right now to prepare for a happy death!"

Father Bouchard said the most challenging, disciplined aspect of living a spiritual life is our need to let go in situations when it's appropriate to do so. From this, I concluded that each time I finally accept a difficult reality in my life and surrender, I actually die a "little death."

The speaker then asked, "What can we as pastoral care ministers do to assist others in experiencing a meaningful and happy death?" He suggested lots of deep listening, both to patients and to their family members. He said we are there to help them face death with hope and to face it knowing they are not alone.

The retreat showed me that I have a wonderful opportunity to help make possible a God-centered, family-supported happy death for others, as well as for myself. Consequently, that beautiful petition we so often make to Our Lady has taken on a richer meaning for me: "Pray for us, Mary, now and at the hour of our death!"

(Mr. Pudney is a member of the diocesan Commission on Pastoral Care and attends St. Margaret of Cortona Church in Rotterdam Junction, a mission of Our Lady Queen of Peace parish in Schenectady.)[[In-content Ad]]

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