CANCER: How I cope with disease

Associate professor at The Sage Colleges shares her thoughts

By AGGIE STILLMAN- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

"You have lesions on your spine, and you need to speak to an oncologist," said my doctor in December.

That's how I found out that my breast cancer of 12 years ago had come back, this time as bone cancer in my spine and hip.

My cancer journey actually began in the early 1970s when my parents had cancer at the same time. Their experiences and deaths helped me to develop a philosophy and strategies that were to be immensely helpful when my own cancers were treated in 1989 and again in 2001.

Why me?

Over time, I've developed a philosophy about the "why" questions: Why did this happen to me?...Why did God let this happen? My answer to the "Why me?" question is that human things happen to human beings. Illness, disease, injury and death are some of those human things that happen to me because I am a human being.

To answer the "Why did God let this happen?" question, I went back to the Garden of Eden (well, my thoughts went there!). Illness, disease, injury and death did not exist in the Garden of Eden -- until Adam and Eve ate that apple.

God's been getting a bad rap all these years! If I need to place blame, I blame Adam and Eve, not God. God gave human beings choices -- with consequences. Their choice gave all human beings who followed them the consequences of illness, disease, injury and death, among other things.

What now?

Three strategies help me deal with the "how" questions: How do I deal with cancer?...How do I get through each day?...How do I help the people around me to deal with my cancer? The three strategies are: keeping a positive attitude, keeping cancer in its place and keeping a sense of humor.

Attitude really is everything in my battle against cancer. I purposely use the word "battle" because I am not sick; I am at war.

The word "sick" conjures up the image of going to bed, pulling the covers over my head and hoping it will go away. On the other hand, war conjures up the image of gathering the troops, feeling the adrenalin flow and leading the charge to victory.

My choices

Attitude has to do with choices. Is my cancer a crisis or a challenge, a problem or an opportunity? I choose "challenge" -- again, a word that makes the adrenalin flow. Accepting a challenge calls for an active participation in my recovery.

I also choose "opportunity." Since my cancer was rediagnosed in December, so many opportunities have occurred both for me and because of me. Crises and problems draw negative, draining energy. They cause worry and fear. On the other hand, challenges and opportunities create positive energy -- and hope.

Another one of my strategies is to keep the cancer in its place. It is a part of my life, but not my whole life. By keeping the rest of my life as normal as possible, I can keep the cancer in perspective.

I don't deny the seriousness of my situation, but I choose to focus on the celebration of my life. I happen to love what I do and where I do it and with whom I do it. It is truly therapeutic to be on my campus, surrounded by my wonderful colleagues and students, while doing work that is respected and appreciated.

Keep smiling

My third strategy is to keep a sense of humor. What an awesome tool is humor! It can ease tension and uncomfortable situations, open lines of communication, soften harsh reality, and even promote physical healing.

I ask my friends to tell me jokes and funny stories (they took me up on it; my e-mail box is usually filled to the brim!). I'm no stand-up comic, but I tell stories, too (forget the jokes; I always blow the punch line).

Cancer, itself, is no laughing matter, but some pretty funny things have happened to me along my cancer journey, so I share them.

People who loved me didn't know what to say or how to act. My laughter broke the ice and put them at ease so that they could look beyond the cancer and see me. I choose humor over gloom and doom. I surround myself with happy, upbeat people who focus on me, not on my cancer. I avoid moaners, groaners and complainers because their negative energy is draining. I choose to celebrate life, not complain about it.

Faith amid trials

My philosophy has helped me to handle the emotions of cancer. My strategies have helped me to handle the realities of cancer. My faith, though, has been the foundation which gives me the strength, courage and peace to accept my cancer, and, believe it or not, to actually find joy and opportunity in it.

Most of us don't want to think about death in general, let alone our own death in particular. My cancer gave me the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. I arrived at what I call a win-win situation: It is my belief that when I die I will join my God, the God who created me and has surrounded me and has journeyed with me through this earthly life.

I rejoice in that belief; so if I die of this present cancer, I'm a winner! If I survive this cancer, I'm still surrounded by my God as well as by my family and friends, colleagues and students. Again, I'm a winner!

Positives

Of course there is sadness about leaving behind all of my loved ones, and a certain fear about entering an unknown level of life. After all, beliefs in God and God's heavenly kingdom are based on faith, not on for-certain knowledge. I believe, though, that I am in God's hands. Whenever God sends me the invitation, I'll accept!

My cancer has allowed the people around me to express themselves to me in ways that they never would have otherwise -- beautiful, spiritual and religious ways.

My cancer has brought together friends who haven't seen each other for years -- because they gathered to give their love and support to me. My cancer has allowed my brother and me to develop a closer relationship.

Spelling luck

Many years ago, I thought about the word "luck." Basically, I don't believe in it, but people sincerely wished me "good luck," and, admittedly, there were times when I wanted to do the same.

How could I say it and mean it? I created an acronym: LUCK = the Lord's UnChallenged Kindness.

That way, I could say what I meant and the receivers could interpret it the way they chose. So, readers, I wish you LUCK, especially if you are on a special journey in your life. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a pretty LUCK-y human being!

(Editor's note: Ms. Stillman is a lector and Eucharistic minister at St. Mary's Church in Clinton Heights.)

(06-06-02) [[In-content Ad]]