Cancer battle leads to book

Fear tugged at Katherine Murphy throughout the summer of 1988: What if? Could it be? It can't be, can it?

Earlier that year, a doctor, not satisfied with the results of Mrs. Murphy's mammogram, sent her to get an ultrasound. A lump was found and a biopsy scheduled. Shortly afterward, her doctor broke the news: She had breast cancer.

Up to that moment, said the former schoolteacher and mother of two, "I thought I was in control of my life. I thought I was on top of things. But the cancer was so much bigger than I was; I didn't know how I could fight it alone. I wanted help. A lot of help."

That's when God re-entered her life, a story she tells in her new book, "Awake, O Sleeper: How I Rediscovered God Through Breast Cancer."

Faith renewed

Before her diagnosis, Mrs. Murphy recalls living a "treadmill life," full of socializing, work and family events. Sunday mornings at Mass were spent "going through the motions," not really listening or participating. Even though raised Catholic, she added, "I had let it become remote and automatic."

That changed with her diagnosis.

"It was a wake-up call," Mrs. Murphy told The Evangelist. "Cancer made me take a look at my life. Cancer made me slow down, turn to God, and redirect the focus and energies in my life. I was getting very skewed in terms of right and wrong and morals. I hardly prayed."

A turning point came during a Life in the Spirit seminary at her parish, St. Edward the Confessor in Clifton Park. There, she learned how to develop her prayer life, move forward in reading Scripture and rediscover her faith.

"I had decided before I went there that I was going to look for God," she said. As she did so, she became "less fearful."

Fighting cancer

Mrs. Murphy underwent surgery and chemotherapy ("I thought that if the cancer doesn't kill me, chemo will"), and was put on drugs that sapped her energy.

She became a center of attention as friends, neighbors and family members came and went, offering casseroles and emotional support, helping out with tasks around the house, or simply calling to see how she was.

Unused to such attention, Mrs. Murphy said that being cared for challenged her self-sufficient, in-charge attitude, and taught her "things I can do for someone else. Sometimes, the things we need to take care of aren't as important as sitting with someone for an hour, or helping a friend."

In his words

During her surgery, treatment and recovery, Mrs. Murphy's sons were 7 and 10. She said she never uttered the word "cancer" in the house for fear that "it would scare them too much."

But, years later, when her older son was applying to colleges, he wrote an application essay about the person he admires most.

"He said me," she revealed. "It made me cry. It was beautiful that he had seen what I was going through and verbalized it."

In her words

Before the diagnosis, Mrs. Murphy had been a budding writer, working on children's stories and articles for educational journals. Fighting cancer took most of her energy, but she worked out her fears, questions and emotions by speaking with her husband and writing in journals.

She didn't return to freelance writing until a few years ago, when she began to correspond with a family friend who had also developed breast cancer.

She then began to think about developing her journals and correspondence. The result is her book, "Awake, O Sleeper: How I Rediscovered God Through Breast Cancer."

Message

She hopes to impart the message that "you're not in charge, not in control, and that you really never know. You need to look at what the priorities are in your life. I hope that the book opens readers up to take a look at their own spirituality.

"It took me 15 years for my prayer to develop from 'Don't let me die' to [following] God's will. When we put ourselves in line with God's will, there is more peace."

(Mrs. Murphy's book can be purchased at Barnes and Noble, The Book House in Stuyvesant Plaza, or O'Connor's Church Goods in Latham. It is also available at www.amazon.com. She will be signing copies at The Book House, Oct. 5, 2-4 p.m.)

(10/2/03) [[In-content Ad]]