Beginning Experience helps heal broken hearts

For divorced and widowed people ready to put the pain and grief of the past behind them, Beginning Experience might be the answer, says Mary Jo Belles.

During the weekend of March 31-April 2, such an opportunity will be offered to those who are ready.

Ms. Belles, a widow who has been involved with the program for four years, said BE is designed to help individuals work through feelings that remain after separation, divorce or the death of a spouse. The program, which is sponsored by the Albany diocesan Family Life Office, holds weekend programs at St. Joseph's Retreat House in Valatie.

Sharing feelings

At the weekends, "people hear the experiences of others through small-group sharing and large-group presentations." explained Ms. Belles, a member of St. Pius X parish in Loudonville. Then, "they are encouraged to share their own stories."

That process, which mirrors Marriage Encounter weekends, has proven to be effective in helping people deal with feelings that accompany divorce or the death of a spouse, she said.

"For me, the best thing about BE was learning that others shared my feelings, that I was not alone," she told The Evangelist.

Three steps

Ms. Belles said that the first step in a BE weekend is large-group talks. The eight members of the leadership team talk about their personal experiences.

The second step is quiet, reflective time when participants can "process what they've heard," she said. They also do personal journaling."

Finally, participants meet in small groups to share their stories and feelings, which Ms. Belles said can be "very powerful" in bringing closure and perspective.

Perspective

Ms. Belles said that attending a BE weekend is the "first step in putting your past into perspective. You don't erase all the memories of what happened, but the weekend allows you to start afresh and move forward. The experience of divorce or the death of a spouse is part of one's life, and it cannot be erased."

She cautioned, however, that the weekend is not for those who have recently experienced such a life change. A screening process for applicants assures that those who attend are emotionally ready.

"Recent divorce or the recent death of a spouse are not the times to consider making a BE weekend," she said. "People are still too close to the event and need a certain time to heal.

"BE would most benefit those aware of their lingering feelings and ready to share them with others in order to find a way of healing. It is for those ready to move forward towards a more healthy life."

(The Capital Region Beginning Experience program is celebrating its 20th anniversary. Its next weekend is March 31-April 2. Call Mary Jo Belles at 459-1663.)

(3/16/06) [[In-content Ad]]