Author: Couples can learn about each other by watching movies

Wedding season is rolling around, and Mary Moriarty has the perfect gift for the happy couple: her new book, "Let's Watch a Movie! Using Popular Videos to Enrich Your Marriage."

Mrs. Moriarty is associate director of the Albany diocesan Family Life Office and a freelance writer. "Let's Watch a Movie," her first book, targets couples at all stages of married life, from newlyweds to golden-anniversary celebrants.

Presented in workbook form, the book takes 37 popular movies and asks questions for couples to discuss as a springboard to improving understanding and intimacy.

Talk it over

"Most people, when they watch a movie, have a conversation about it," Mrs. Moriarty noted. "Why not ask questions that generate intimacy?"

That's what her book offers in considering movies like "A Beautiful Mind." In her questions, Mrs. Moriarty talks about the main character, John Nash, being introverted, and asks couples to talk about which of them is more introverted and how it affects their relationship.

Just as Nash ignores his delusions, another question reads, "Have you ever overcome a fear by ignoring it or not acknowledging it? Would you recommend others try this?"

Range of questions

Other questions are simpler, encouraging couples to talk about nicknames they had as children or embarrassing moments they experienced. Such basic questions, said Mrs. Moriarty, might trigger memories from childhood or the early days of a relationship.

Recalling one question about dogs, the author said, "If they're newlyweds, have they ever talked about dogs? Maybe one wants a dog and one doesn't."

She hopes the questions result in "more understanding of one another, more acceptance of one another's differences."

Expanded effort

"Let's Watch a Movie" is an expansion of a packet Mrs. Moriarty and former Family Life Office director Sister Kay Ryan, CSJ, developed for young married couples who couldn't attend their office's marriage enrichment programs because they lacked time, money or child care.

The original packet contained questions about 12 movies. When it was advertised in a national newsletter on marriage, the Family Life Office was flooded with calls from people who wanted it. With such interest, Mrs. Moriarty realized she had the readership for a book on the subject.

She chose the movies to include by their quality, lack of extreme violence or sexual content, and ability to generate conversation about relationships.

Something for everyone

The final picks range from romantic comedies ("Sleepless in Seattle," "Moonstruck," "When Harry Met Sally") to more serious fare ("The Patriot," "Pay It Forward"). Classics are also included ("Bringing Up Baby") as are sports-related movies ("For Love of the Game," "Field of Dreams").

Mrs. Moriarty included movies with masculine appeal because she realized women might be more interested than their spouses in enriching their relationships. Her husband, Dan, watched the movies with her and pointed out things he thought she should include.

"Men say, 'Everything's okay,'" she remarked. "Women always want more; they want a deeper level of intimacy."

Staying fresh

The bottom line, the author said, is that every couple needs to make sure that their marriage doesn't become stale -- especially in today's fast-paced world.

Couples "are missing time," she stated. "There's a big conversation now about couples that don't have time for sex. They are completely exhausted when they come home. It worries us in the Family Life Office, because we know if you don't nourish your marriage, you'll lose it. It's too easy to get a divorce."

Mrs. Moriarty is already getting feedback from couples who are benefiting from her book, including someone at her publisher. An employee there told the author she's even modifying the questions in the book to use with her 13-year-old son.

"I thought, `Oh, a second book [for families]!'" Mrs. Moriarty added, laughing. She also hopes to write a second volume for couples.

"My biggest pleasure has been my children's reaction," she said of the book. Her three children, Dan, Vince and Meredith, are young adults, and "they think it's really cool."

("Let's Watch a Movie! Using Popular Videos to Enrich Your Marriage" is available for $10 from the Family Life Office. Call 453-6677. It is also available through Twenty-Third Publications. Email [email protected], www.bn.com, or www.amazon.com.)

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