Amnesia and reconciliation

By LINDA BERKERY- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

As a pastoral associate for faith formation, I'm always seeking new ways to help children and adults deepen their understanding of the sacrament of reconciliation. I frequently use personal stories at parent meetings or RCIA sessions (for people joining the Church) to highlight themes of grace, confession or pardon.

I now have a fresh insight into God's unconditional love and the wonderful gift of forgiveness that we celebrate in this sacrament. My recent understanding was formed as I pondered a very unusual January night.

On the evening of the feast of the Epiphany, I experienced an episode called "transient global amnesia" - a sudden loss of memory. There was no trauma to my head and no obvious cause. My ability to create new memories and to recall recent activity merely vanished.

I repeated questions in a five-minute loop. "What day is it? Oh, Sunday. What did I do all day?" I calmly asked my husband over and over. My memory was frozen like a needle unable to touch the record in my brain. Nothing reached storage on my memory hard drive for nearly three hours.

Transient global amnesia is rare and short-lived, and no one really knows why it happens. My cognitive thinking was clear and I followed directions. I changed my clothes, organized some papers and chose the hospital by name. During the ambulance ride to the emergency room, I noticed the light still glowing on the front porch. I could state my birthday and I searched my pocketbook for a rosary to hold - but I have no recall of any of those actions or conversations.

When my husband recounted the particulars of the evening, it was like hearing a story about someone else. I assured him, however, that I was fine - maybe just a little sleepy from a sinus infection.

Our brain does amazing work carving, etching and recording the details of our thoughts and feelings. As a reflective person by nature, I appreciate and fully sort memories on a daily basis in my prayers. Each evening, I use some prompts: "How did I do today? Where was the Lord present in my life? How have I loved or hindered love?"

The cat scans at the hospital were clear, as well as the EEG and MRI during the following weeks. The neurologist explained that things looked good and I am highly unlikely to have another episode. That news brought great peace.

"But, do not even try to retrieve the memories," he warned. "They are simply gone forever. You cannot get those three hours back, no matter how hard you try - so don't try."

This week, I celebrated the sacrament of reconciliation, and I am currently preparing children and parents for their own celebration during Lent. While reflecting on sins, forgiveness and grace, I was stunned to grasp a new understanding of the sacrament, drawn from the transient global amnesia episode.

As the priest prayed the words of absolution with his hands extended over my head, he said, "Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins."

Yes, I thought: my sins, times where I missed the mark, are absolved. Through God's love and mercy, my sins are gone forever. They simply cannot be retrieved. Like my lost hours in January, they are gone - not faded, but gone.

God has no memory of my confessed sins. Our loving God has amnesia - and I am blessed with remarkable peace and the grace to live a renewed life with greater love.

(Mrs. Berkery is pastoral associate for faith formation at Our Lady of the Assumption parish in Latham.)[[In-content Ad]]