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"Most people view the wake and funeral as the culmination of their relationship with the funeral home," said Sister Jean Roche, RSM -- but for Ferrari Funeral Home in Schenectady, the funeral is just the beginning.

Ferrari Funeral Home offers free aftercare programs for families of the recently deceased, whether or not they held a funeral service there. Sister Jean, who retired from heading the bereavement studies program at Maria College in Albany, is helping lead the funeral home's sessions on grieving and recovery.

Right after a loss, said funeral director John Ferrari, there tends to be support available for grieving families. But as time passes and "reality sets in," people still need spiritual and emotional care, and resources can be difficult to find.

"These bereavement services are something that they need," he said. "In the past, family generally lived nearby. Now, with families being separated, that support system from our immediate family is not here." Meditation and more

Several years ago, Mr. Ferrari started offering meditation sessions for bereaved families, led by a professional in the field. That led to asking Sister Jean, who has also been a hospice chaplain and is a spiritual director, to do presentations on grief - particularly on healthy grieving.

Now, she's offering those talks at both Ferrari Funeral Home and at Townley and Wheeler Funeral Home in Ballston Lake. St. Adalbert's parish in Schenectady also plans to host some sessions.

"Though loss is a universal experience, we continue to live in a death-defying and grief-denying society," Sister Jean told The Evangelist. "People begin to think they're abnormal. A lot of people don't want to talk about their losses.

"Most of us are unwilling to be vulnerable in front of other people," she added. "We think we need to apologize for our tears."

The aftercare program looks to end this stigma through participants' sharing grief experiences and doing reflective journaling, writing down memories of loved ones.

"The program incorporates topics ranging from healthy and unhealthy grieving to the role of religion in healing," Sister Jean said.

All grief not equal
Also covered are deterrents to grieving, myths about the grief process and tasks grieving people should do. Participants do creative rituals to soothe some of their grief.

Sister Jean noted that it's a misconception that all loss is the same. She said people's grief process is affected by which loved one died, the nature of their relationship with that person, the circumstances of the death and other factors.

"People live, die and grieve unequally," she said. "A lot of people compare themselves [to other grieving people], saying, 'Oh, there's another widow who's already dating,'" as if they themselves should be doing the same.

About 20 people came to the first session that was offered. Most of them had been struggling with grief for around six months.

The presentations aren't the only service being offered. Davia Boyle is the bereavement services coordinator for Ferrari Funeral Home. She speaks with people one on one or refers them to other support groups or counseling professionals -- especially in cases of suicide.

She also assembles support groups herself, bringing together people who have experienced similar losses.

After funerals, "I try to call people every once in a while to see how they're doing," she said. "If we find that we have three or four people who have lost a spouse, I try to call them" and have them get together.

Holiday pain
The funeral home also offers blessings for deceased pets and programs around the holidays. Ms. Boyle said the funeral home's Christmas service is "usually a pretty healing service, and pretty emotional, too."

"We have a [Christmas] tree up and personalized ornaments," Mr. Ferrari explained. "The family is able to come and place the ornament on the tree.

"People come in and want to honor a life," he said. "I deal with families on a daily basis. The loss [that they go through] is extremely painful."

Mr. Ferrari believes the aftercare programs are something people want.

"To bring peace to someone who is suffering is so spiritual to me," he said. "I feel very close to God with what I do."

As a family leaves the cemetery after a funeral service, he said, "we don't just wish you well; we want to see you get well."[[In-content Ad]]

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