Adopted, not aborted, woman's pro-life work seeks to save others

The first thing Rebecca Wasser Kiessling did on her 18th birthday in 1991 was call the courthouse. The call changed her life.

Mrs. Kiessling, who had been adopted as a baby, wanted to meet the birth mother she had never known. But, due to the stipulations of her adoption, she was surprised to find herself barred from doing so.

She was told that "the door was closed -- and that I'd never have the opportunity to meet her," said Mrs. Kiessling, who lives now in Michigan.

Looking into past

Undeterred, she petitioned to obtain the non-identifying information she was entitled to. Her mother's information included such details as her education, eye color, occupation and medical history. But the facts about her father were scanty: He was a Caucasian man of large build.

"It sounded like a police description," said Mrs. Kiessling, a Catholic convert who was raised in a Jewish family. A phone call to her caseworker confirmed her worst suspicions: Her father had been a rapist.

"I was devastated," she said. "I remember feeling so ugly and unwanted. I remember thinking, 'Who would ever love me?' I thought for sure that my birth mother was never going to want to meet me -- and that she must hate me."

Saved by snow

A letter through a confidential intermediary led to a meeting between Rebecca and her birth mother, who explained that she had been raped by a stranger on her way to a grocery store. She added that she tried to abort Rebecca.

A first visit to a "back-alley abortionist" made her mother back out; on a second attempt, a snowstorm blocked her way. By then, she had begun considering adoption.

Mrs. Kiessling now travels the country telling her story, talking about her experiences as a family law attorney and advocating for the pro-life position. Recently, she spoke to the respect life group at St. Matthew's Church in Voorheesville.

"Adoption is not second-best or a last resort, but an ultimate love," she said. "When I went through RCIA, I learned that, in the spirit of adoption, we are all called to be God's children through Christ."

Choice of life

Mrs. Kiessling believes that "to be pro-life is to be pro-woman," and that the decision to have an abortion often stems from women feeling they have no choice at all.

Many times during her law practice, she ran into women who felt coerced into abortions by boyfriends or parents; women who felt ill equipped, financially or emotionally, to have a child; and women who felt that there was simply nowhere else to go but to an abortion clinic.

"This is an 'I can't' attitude that hurts women and children," she said. "What happened to equipping and empowering women -- and encouraging women when they think they can't do something? We need to encourage women, not discourage."

Adoption

Mrs. Kiessling is a staunch supporter of the adoption process. She and her husband Bob have three children. Caleb, is 4; his birth mother was 16 when she was raped at a rave party. They also adopted Caleb's half-brother, Kyler. They also have a biological daughter, Corrina, and are expecting the arrival of their fourth child, Coralie, next spring.

In addition to Caleb, the Kiesslings adopted a baby, Kathy, who was born with DeGeorge Syndrome, a fatal genetic disorder.

"Most babies with this disease are aborted," she said. "It is so tragic that there are people who would look at my daughter Kathy and say that she wasn't as good or that she wasn't worth it."

New life

Mrs. Kiessling left her successful law practice to raise her children. Her peers, she said, were shocked and wondered how she could just leave. Mrs. Kiessling saw it as her calling.

"I know that my value is not based upon my successes, failures, achievements, job status -- any of it," she said. "I know that I have an infinite value. One of the greatest things I've learned is that if you want to know what your value is, all you have to do is look to the Cross.

"All I have to be concerned with is just trying to serve Him and the will of God. It was an easy decision. I want my children to know that they matter to me, and they matter to God."

(12/9/04)