April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
SAINTS
A talk about 'grandparenting' for feast of Ss. Anne and Joachim
Several grandparents from the Albany Diocese spoke with The Evangelist about being the parents of parents, and shared their thoughts on the two saints:
• Leonard Bopp, who's 86, attends the parish of Mater Christi in Albany and runs the print shop at the Albany diocesan Pastoral Center. He is a father of seven, a grandfather of 12 and a great-grandfather of five. His wife, Zoey, passed away in 2009.
• Deacon Robert Sweeney serves at St. Michael's parish in Troy. He and his wife, Patricia, have four children and five grandchildren.
• Nancy McMullen -- who works at the Pastoral Center's front desk -- and her husband, Mark, attend St. Vincent's parish in Albany. They have four children and three grandchildren.
Close contact
All the grandparents believe involvement in their grandchildren's activities is important. For example, Mrs. McMullen goes to her grandchildren's concerts and volunteers her time to take care of the uniforms at All Saints Catholic Academy in Albany, where her granddaughter is a second-grader.
Not all grandparents have those kinds of opportunities, though. Deacon Sweeney's grandchildren live far away.
"I used to see my first three kids and their kids a lot, but then they moved to Chicago and Boston," he said. The Sweeneys now keep in touch with their grandchildren via texting and phone calls.
They think being grandparents is more fun than being parents.
"I don't have to make hard decisions, and I can spoil them," Deacon Sweeney said. But "it doesn't matter if you are a parent or grandparent -- it is always a thrill to be with the kids and watch as they grow up so fast."
Mrs. McMullen thinks that "being a parent is harder, because their sole responsibility is taking care of that child. Being a grandparent is fun, because they can be carefree."
Mrs. McMullen said that her family has a big dinner together for each person's birthday. Deacon Sweeney said his son "makes a chart with everyone's birthdays."
MYOB, grandparents
It's not uncommon for grandparents to feel the urge to tell their children how to raise their own children. "I have to try and hold myself back, but it is sometimes hard to hold back," Mrs. McMullen said.
Mr. Bopp believes that his wife "set a good enough example for her children. All of my children have good values and morals that they pass onto the grandchildren."
Deacon Sweeney told The Evangelist: "My wife and I discuss things with our children and give them advice, but never tell them what to do. We look at our children and know they are doing a good job, because they are such caring families. Sometimes we feel that our children are better parents than we are."
The grandparents say there are many rewarding moments. For Mr. Bopp, going to his grandchildren's graduations is one: "It is the time where I feel closest to my whole family."
His namesake grandson, Len, just graduated from Guilderland High School. Mr. Bopp said he felt very proud of the speech that Len was chosen to give to his fellow graduates.
Mrs. McMullen cited many rewarding moments: "to hear them say, 'I love you, Nan,' even after I had to talk to them because they did something wrong...to see my baby granddaughter, Katie, smile or laugh when I tickle her...when my granddaughter, Jade, wanted to sleep with me because she was going away [on vacation]. It's the little things like that."
Jesus' grandparents
Thinking about the possibility of Ss. Anne and Joachim witnessing Jesus' life and death, Deacon Sweeney remarked: "It must have been an awesome yet a trying experience that was very hard for Jesus and His grandparents. It must have been really hard for His grandparents to see Him rebuked, but it also must have been rewarding to see what He accomplished." The saintly grandparents may have been long gone by the time Jesus was an adult, but Mrs. McMullen mused, as a grandparent, about how they might have felt about seeing Jesus crucified: "Losing a child or grandchild would be the hardest thing to deal with, and Jesus' grandparents had to watch that happen right in front of their eyes." Overall, said Mr. Bopp, being a grandparent "means to be the first and oldest of my whole family."
But he realized that being a grandparent is more than that. He said it's gratifying to be the patriarch of his family and see all that he has created -- that he's proud to see that his and Mrs. Bopp's good parenting led his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to become the people they are today.
Grandparenting, Mrs. McMullen said, "means passing on family traditions...letting them know that their grandparents are there for them as well as their parents...most importantly, to love and care for them."
Said Deacon Sweeney: "It means the same thing as being a parent: being there for them all of the time, in times in trial and happiness. Being there to support them, make their life better, and find God's will for them. In this modern day, too many kids are negative about themselves, so it is the grandparent's responsibility to help their grandchildren feel good about themselves."[[In-content Ad]]
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