A son's mental illness, a mother's surrender

By TOM'S MOTHER- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

(Editor's note: The author is a Catholic from the Albany Diocese. Her name and her son's have been withheld for privacy reasons.)

My story is one of surrender, of learning how to let go and allow God's transformative grace to heal. It begins in the early childhood years of our son Tom's life.

As a toddler, Tom was robustly healthy, a great sleeper, artistic, compassionate and had a sense of humor that delighted everyone. But as Tom grew older, we slowly began to notice changes in his demeanor.

Severe temper tantrums, trouble sleeping, paralyzing fears and scary artwork plagued Tom. Many a school-day morning began with debilitating stomachaches, making it a struggle to send him off for a full day of classes.

We began seeking professional psychiatric help for Tom at age nine and, by 12, daily medication had been added to his treatment.

Surrendering was having to say goodbye to the sweet, carefree little boy we cherished.

We were bewildered by the chaos that had overtaken him. "Surely, I could fix this, Lord," I'd pray. After all, I'd studied child development and psychology and had worked with countless other children. "If I love him enough, I can help mend my child...can't I, Lord?"

Adolescence is often characterized as the rollercoaster years, due to the dramatic physical, emotional and social changes that bombard teens. The added stresses of a depression/anxiety disorder made it a particularly turbulent time for Tom and our family. We walked on thin ice, always bracing for the inevitable next crisis.

As is often the case with mental illness, Tom became adept at masking his symptoms in public, but fell apart when he was in the safety of our home. We even had a professional tell us that this was all our fault. Increasingly, though, his cherished friendships began to suffer and problems emerged in school and social situations.

Surrendering was praying, "I feel so isolated, Lord. I don't want others to look askance at my son. No one can possibly understand what we are going through. You are the only one I can trust with my fears."

By the time Tom was in college, his life was spinning out of control. Tom was experiencing frequent feelings of hopelessness and despair. Each day was a struggle; getting out of bed was a monumental task. Despite years of talk therapy, numerous medications, overmedication and several hospitalizations, Tom's condition was steadily declining.

On more than one occasion, he talked of giving up, of needing to end his pain. On more than one occasion, he attempted to do just that. All hopes and dreams for his future had been shattered.

Surrendering was begging, "Out of the depths I cry to You, o Lord! Help my son to hold on." When I couldn't muster up words to pray, my mantra became, "Most sacred heart of Jesus, I place my trust in You."

During one of his last hospitalizations, we learned that Tom's illness had morphed into a bipolar disorder. With a proper diagnosis, Tom's medications were adjusted accordingly, and we all began to have a better understanding of his illness.

Best of all, when Tom was discharged from the hospital, he began an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) that was then part of Clearview Center in Albany, now known as Equinox - a mental health and chemical dependency treatment center.

Our isolation came to an end, as we were now surrounded by peers who shared a common story. Here was a lifeline, with 24-hour-a-day professional services to contact when immediate intervention was necessary.

Here, at last, was the beginning of our coming face to face with the reality of Tom's dual diagnosis of mental illness and drug addiction. We all needed to learn how to confront these demons with courage and honesty.

Now, with the proper medication, therapies, support systems and years of diligent hard work, Tom has regained his sense of dignity and self-worth. New hopes and dreams for his future have begun to emerge. Tom is living independently and working productively.

I am forever grateful for the countless gifts of grace that have lifted us out of despair and enabled us all to keep on living and supporting each other. While Tom will always live with these disorders, they no longer define him or hold him hostage. Every day, we are grateful for the blessing of our son, who has taught us so much about courage and strength.

Sweet surrender is falling into the loving arms of Jesus and allowing Him to carry you through your darkness.

If you see yourself or someone you love within our story, know that you are not alone. It is important to educate yourself about the warning signs of depression and anxiety disorders.

It is well documented that those suffering with mental health issues often resort to self-medicating with addictive substances in an attempt to ease their pain. Understand that depression and anxiety disorders are diseases, not personality flaws. Take all talk of suicide seriously and seek professional guidance to determine a safe response.

Whether you are feeling isolated, despondent, fearful or hopeless, know that there is effective treatment available to help you summon the strength to see another day. Lean on the Lord and He will raise you up.[[In-content Ad]]