'Friendly Visitors' meet new friends at sisters' place

Sister Margaret Lyon, CSJ, smiles as she remembers a former friend: "She had four children -- two little boys and two girls. Sometimes, she would bring the girls with her. They were six and nine. We'd play games in the solarium, ride in the car. On my birthday, she, her husband and the four kids all came, and they brought me a birthday cake!"

Sister Margaret is one of 19 Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet who participate in the "Friendly Visitors" program at St. Joseph's Provincial House in Latham. The program, which began in 1993, matches elderly and infirm sisters with volunteers from area parishes who stop in to chat, do activities and share their life stories.

Sister Margaret's former visitor has moved on, and she now has another friend, Mary Humiston, who helps her "learn about what's going on outside." Visitors meet with the sisters weekly or monthly.

Matchmaker

Sister Jane Mary Dardis began the program at St. Joseph's Provincial House after working in a parish with a similar problem: Not enough staff to visit all the homebound.

"I felt so bad that they only received a visit from me once a month," she told The Evangelist. "I put out an appeal in the parish and brought people in [to the shut-ins] on a one-on-one basis. They sort of adopted them!"

After her initial success, Sister Mary was eager to begin a similar program when she came to the Provincial House. Seeing the sisters in "A-wing," where elderly and infirm residents live, she said, "I wanted something that would gear their interest and keep them alive."

Recruiting

In order to be sure volunteers really wanted to participate and were appropriate for the program, she put notices in church bulletins announcing the need for friendly visitors, asked for references from volunteers, and matched up visitors and women religious according to common interests.

The program was a hit. Gradually, it increased from just a few participants to 19 sisters and 20 visitors from a host of parishes: St. Ambrose and Our Lady of the Assumption in Latham; St. Joan of Arc, Menands; St. Pius X, Loudonville; and Immaculate Conception, St. Brigid's, St. Patrick's and Sacred Heart of Mary in Watervliet.

Two couples, 13 retirees and several homemakers and business professionals have volunteered to be visitors.

Pitching in

Cecelia Craven read about the Friendly Visitors program in her church bulletin at St. Ambrose parish. "I was at loose ends," she recalled. "I was not in the area too long, and I wanted something to do. I applied, and they must have been desperate, because they accepted me!"

That joke was typical of the relationship between Ms. Craven and Sister James Paul, her first partner. Both women came from Ireland, and Sister James Paul "never lost her sharp tongue," Ms. Craven remembered with a smile. "When they told her my name was Cecelia Craven, she said, `What's she cravin' for?'"

The sister and visitor enjoyed verbal wordplay more than any other activity they shared. "I would thrust, and she would parry," Ms. Craven laughed. "I used to put her in a wheelchair, and we would tour around. She was a very fine baker, so I'd take her to the kitchen."

Another partner

When Sister James Paul died last February, Ms. Craven immediately signed up to visit another sister. This time, she was matched with Sister Bernadette Harrigan, whom she described as "more delicately formed. She's a dear."

Sister Bernadette has been ill recently, so the pair often simply share stories.

"I tell her a lot about growing up in Ireland," Ms. Craven said. "She seems to get quite a kick out of that."

Action all the time

The Friendly Visitors program is now run by Sister Jeanne Anne Collins, who is quick to boast of the many activities she has seen participants initiating.

"We have some sisters whose eyesight is bad, and many people come to write letters for them," she noted. "They listen to cassettes. If they're able, they're taken out to lunch. On nice days, they can come down the ramp into the courtyard."

However, the program is more than just a set of activities. "It really becomes a deep friendship with many," Sister Jeanne Anne said. "It's a two-way street."

For example, Mary Rucinski visits Sister Lawrence Cartin. The volunteer retired a year ago and saw the visitors notice in Our Lady of the Assumption parish's bulletin a month later. She signed up right away.

"Our first stop is always ice cream in the dining room," she said of her visits. "I always take her to the chapel. She always tatted when she was young, so we got into needlework."

Getting back

Many young retirees have joined Friendly Visitors to give something back to the church. Ms. Rucinski said she gets as much from the program as she gives.

"It just makes you feel good to be here," she explained. Since Sister Lawrence is ill, "I don't even know if she knows my name; but I know when she sees me, her face lights up."

The visitor is always looking for new ideas on how to spend her time with Sister Lawrence. Of late, she has been bringing a book of humorous Shel Silverstein poems.

"I read them to her yesterday, and she would laugh and say, `Oh, isn't that cute?'" Ms. Rucinski said.

Hospitality

Ms. Craven agreed that she enjoys her participation in Friendly Visitors. "I don't have that many friends [in the area], but I'm acquainted here," she said. "When I'm sailing through the halls, they seem to know me."

"That's part of our spirit, that hospitality, so it's nice to hear that," Sister Jeanne Anne commented.

Ms. Craven has also become more outgoing as a result of her interaction with the sisters. She said that she usually has a hard time in social situations, "but I go up to sister and I yack my head off!"

Staying in touch

For the women religious, the Friendly Visitors program simply means that they get some social interaction -- and a little more information about the world than they would otherwise.

"I like to talk to people, and it's nice to have someone come and talk to you," said Sister Margaret. "You learn what their families are doing, if they're traveling, whatever. Cathy Spencer [a former visitor] was from St. Pius, which was where I taught last. She brought me over there to see the new addition, and kept me up to date on the big enrollment and registration."

The Sisters of Mary Reparatrix, who also use the Provincial House for their infirm members, have also decided to participate in the Friendly Visitors program.

Awareness

Yet another success can be seen with sisters who are usually uncommunicative.

"We have one sister who is not cognizant," said Sister Jeanne Anne. "Her visitor brought her flowers; and the next day, she said to me, `Did you see the flowers my friend brought me?'"

At a recent party, several Friendly Visitors expressed how strongly they feel about the program when they all began to spontaneously hug their partners and say, "She's my sister, and I don't want anyone to take her away from me!"

(If you are interested in joining the Provincial House's "Friendly Visitors" program, call Sister Jeanne Anne Collins at 783-3500. To start a program in your parish, call Sister Jane Mary Dardis at the same number.)